My Journey With Health And Fitness – Conquering Fears

Well yesterday I got to check something off my bucket list that had never been on my bucket list, running in the snow. It was a challenging day yesterday because I had several appointments. Before my 8:15am dentist appointment I did a quick 3 km run followed by a 3 km walk including up Oxford Hill. Then after the appointment I decided a full run was in order so did 6.5 km which is when I ran into snow. Somehow undeterred I kept going. I then had an eye doctor appointment at 1:50pm so did an 1 1/2 hour walk beforehand then after my 2:30pm nail appointment it was a 30 minute walk home. Since it was Wednesday there was also my volunteer dog walking. Just in case you aren’t keeping tabs that worked out to 40k steps and just over 28 km.

For 3 decades I have had some significant fears. All of them started with me falling through a ceiling destroying my right knee. It took 4 surgeries just to get me to the point of reasonably functional and 17 years ago they made it clear I needed a knee replacement due to the massive amount of arthritis I had developed. I know I have mentioned that it has taken a lot of work to finally get to the point that I feel my balance is where it should be but for years I was always concerned someone would knock me over. And when I had my accident the protocol was no high impact on this kind of damaged joint. Add to that I developed a fear of any sort of platform in that I was afraid I would fall through it.

The balance issue was a real concern when I became VP of my Union. You see I had become terrified of being in large crowds. The main reason was that I was afraid someone would bump into me and I would end up on the ground. I was really lucky one of the other Union VP’s knew how much rallies distressed me and so he would always stand by my side making sure I felt safe. It took several years of having him with me all the time before I finally got to the point where I felt comfortable being on my own in large crowds.

The fitness path I am currently on has brought back some of my fears. Yesterday we were supposed to do pull ups and I decided I just couldn’t do them. I had managed to do a full set of these a few weeks ago but they had been mentally difficult for me (physically it was just another exercise). Part of the problem is that 1 of the stations allowed for you to stand squarely on 2 bands however, the others had bands hanging down so getting your feet in and out of them was challenging and I constantly felt I was going to fall. And so when the trainer advised we were doing these pull ups again yesterday I opted instead to do TRX pull ups after explaining why the regular pull ups were a no go for me. However, I got to the 3rd round in this particular set and thought no, you have got to do this. I admit I waited for the station I was more comfortable with but I got it done.

Why would I do that to myself when there was a perfectly acceptable alternative? Because it is time I worked on conquering my fears. Lets be honest, the fact that I have completely gotten over any concerns about high impact ‘ruining’ my knee shows that this just comes down to mentally focusing on what I want to accomplish. In fact I have that little voice in my head now chanting that the next time they put out a step that I am supposed to jump on top of I am going to skip just doing step ups and instead do those jump ups. I am pretty sure once I accomplish that I will have the confidence to do anything.

In the end it is up to me whether I am going to move past these fears or not. I have decided that I truly want to conquer these fears so that nothing is holding me back.