My Journey With Health And Fitness – The Right Words To Use

Those who have not been following on FB the past several days, the send off for my brother was awesome. There ended up being standing room only as representatives from service clubs, community theatre, the employer, friends and family were all in attendance. The eulogy was poignant and one of my brother’s friends that helped deliver the eulogy got quite emotional. Afterwards several people came back to the house and the traditional birthday sambuca was brought out of the freezer and the bottle emptied. Apparently a new one will be required to celebrate my brother’s birthday in August.

When my brother passed I was speaking to a representative from the Canadian consulate. He asked if the death was suspicious and I told him no, my brother had many health issues. His response, well it wasn’t a surprise then. Wait, what? Did he think we got up on June 7th and said to my brother hey, let’s go for lunch, do a couple tequila shots and then you have a massive heart attack and die? This caused me to do some research on what not to say when someone suffers a loss and the right thing to say.

We’ll start with what not to say and why. 1) At least he didn’t suffer. Not true, he suffered for 2 decades because of diabetes. I think that things like other heart attacks, losing a leg, constantly suffering from infections and frequently being hospitalized shows that he did suffer. 2) He’s in a better place now. This one kills me, no as far as our sister and I are concerned the better place is here with us and him being alive. 3) He’s lucky he went quickly. Not the thing to say to someone who spent 20 minutes helping to try and resuscitate their brother who was also their best friend. That 20 minutes was probably the longest period of my life. 4) You’ll feel better after the celebration of life. Sorry, but mine and my sister’s grief has decided to stick around for a while longer. This is not a comprehensive list of what we heard, just some of them.

Look, I know that most people are saying these words because they are trying to comfort you in your loss and sometimes even comfort themselves. But really there are some simple things that you can say that are much better. 1) I am so sorry for your loss. 2) Let me know if there is anything I/we can do to help you in this difficult time. 3)They were a great person and I am sure you will miss them. 4) Please reach out if you need to talk, I’ll be there for you. Those small statements and offers of assistance were the ones that truly comforted us.

And so if you encounter someone who has had a loss, carefully choose you words. Remember, that person needs comfort and support not to have their loss justified. Being kind is not hard especially to someone experiencing a loss.