My Journey With Health And Fitness – Maybe I Am Pushing Too Hard

Last week I saw something that I thought was fantastic. On 2 separate days I saw moms with their I’d say 8 year old kids running together down at the beach. On both occasions it was interval running so the kid had the chance to keep up. The moms would stop and grab the kids hands as they ran. Made me wonder how different life would have turned out if that was a thing when I was a kid.

If you recall last week I bragged about how I had managed to do 53k steps or 35.5 km in a single day which was my best day ever. Yep still pretty proud of that because it is a major accomplishment. This past weekend during our Saturday bootcamp we had to do our 100-10’s exercises. I finished the 2nd round early and the trainer had said feel free to do some extras. So, did some toe taps and an extra 50 squats (after already having done 200 squats). I mentioned to her that I am killing myself which made her stop nme.

She kindly said that I am going through a lot but working my body to death is not what I should do. I tried not to tear up when I said I actually need this. I didn’t tell her that working out helps keep my mind from going to dark places like maybe if I had done this or maybe if I had done that my brother would still be with us. Don’t get me wrong, my rational voice pops in saying NOTHING WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE but my heart keeps telling me I could have done more.

I acknowledge that doing bootcamp for an hour each day and then adding another 4 hours of walking (this happens 6 days a week) may indicate that I am really overcompensating at getting rid of my grief. And so this weekend one of my best friends is joining me at the trailer. The 2 of us will grieve over what we have lost over the past couple of year. But I think doing that will also help me heal. Oh, and there is likely to be vodka involed.

And so given that, I won’t be posting until next Tuesday. I also won’t be (deep breath) doing any sort of workout on Saturday or Sunday. Time to stop pushing so hard for a couple days.