My Journey With Health And Fitness – Building Confidence

I have always lived by the rule that Christmas decorations do not go up before December 1st. Nor is there any Christmas music played in the house or in my vehicle. But this year my sister and I decided screw that, the season is going to be hard for us this year so we are going to make it super happy. And so tomorrow the tree is going up and the outside lights will be turned on and our Christmas season will officially have started. And, every week in December we will be doing something fun with several events already booked. I also have committed to myself that rather than be sad I am only going to think of happy memories with my lil’ bro’.

Over the past few months I have really worked on building my confidence during fitness classes. When I first started at my fitness centre in June 2023 there were so many things I wasn’t willing to try. I had some pretty good rationale though. Couldn’t do things that caused me to bend my cranky knee very much. I couldn’t lift heavier weights over my head because of my stenosis. I couldn’t stand on platforms etc because I fell through a ceiling more than 30 years ago and it destroyed my knee and so was terrified of even trying. But, that is now all gone.

I think it started when many months ago we were supposed to do pull ups. To do these the instructor sets up several large rubber bands elevated between 2 posts. You then climb on a bench and step on the bands and pull yourself up until your face is level to the top bar. The first time this was explained to me I was like, hell no I am not doing that. But then the next time pull ups were part of a class, I thought ok, try it once in the 4 rounds. I did it! Then the next time it was one of the exercises I told the negative thoughts in my head to piss off and all 4 rounds I did pull ups (note, the instructors were great about giving me a different exercise when I didn’t want to do the pull ups). Now I’m like, hell yeah I got this.

But lately I have been going even further. I realized that there is absolutely no reason why I can’t push my knee to see how far my knee will bend especially when I am not in pain. Having said that, there are a couple things I learned a while ago that I can’t do 1) bench step ups (it just simply does not bend enough to do that) and 2) split squats (those cause serious pain). Otherwise it is game on and I will try everything and push myself as long as it doesn’t caused real pain.

I should note kneeling is also out because the cranky knee is so full of arthritis and scar tissue that it causes a lot of debilitating pain. But, there is a positive side to this, I can’t do push ups and planks the easier way by doing them from my knees, rather I have to do the full on exercise. I confess at first I would do these from the bench but I gave that up a long time ago and now I do the full version.

The same can be said for using light weights for exercises involving lifting them over my head. I realized that unless I am having a stenosis flare up there is no reason for me not to at least try. Yes, I sometimes start with a heavier weight and then have to go to lighter ones but that is just because my muscles are seriously fatigued, not because I don’t think I can do it. Even doing squats I have bumped up how much weight I am holding and surprise, surprise, it hasn’t killed me.

Today I realized this has all been about my own confidence. I have always been able to do these things I just was afraid I would fail. So while doing reverse lunges today (the original exercise was get ups which is going down on one knee then the other then getting up one knee at a time which there is no way for me to do without being in extreme agony) I asked the instructor if my back knee was close to the floor. She said that wasn’t the point of the exercise to which I replied that it is to me. So she watched me and I was thrilled to learn I am very close to being able to hit the floor with both knees. Damn I have come a long way!

At the end of a brutal class today I made a new commitment to myself, I am a little more than 13 months away from the 30th anniversary of my 30th birthday (think about what I am really saying) and I intend to be in the best shape that I have ever been. By that I mean in even better shape than I am in today. Oh, and I am confident that I can meet that goal.