Well, there’s a cold front warning in Playa. Apparently today it is only going to get up to 25 degrees Celsius and tonight it will drop down to 19 degrees. Now I know many of you reading this will laugh at the absurdity of those temperatures being a cold front but for here it is. Please remember the normal temperatures would be lows in the mid 20’s and highs in the low 30’s so people down here are just not used to this. For me it means for the next few days my morning walk will be lovely.
Yesterday marked 10 months since my brother passed. I said I would be celebrating him for the day so I did things he would like to do. I went to one of his favourite restaurants and order a burger that I would never have had (not because I wouldn’t like it but because it had things like bacon on it so full of calories). I had his preferred beer. I even did a photo replicating the picture we took of him 30 minutes before he died, holding a tequila in one hand and a beer in the other. At the end of the day my friends here did a toast to him and as I explained to our new neighbours what we were doing I cried a little.
I sometimes wonder when I am going to heal from this. Now I admit yesterday was a bit hard because I am here on my own. Maybe it would have been better if my sister had been able to join me and I could have just shown her where he was that last hour or so of his life. Or who knows, maybe that would have made it worse. Don’t get me wrong, I posted several times on FB yesterday and got amazing support from my community so I know people sympathize with my grief, it is just sometimes it is tiring.
A friend put up a post a few days earlier on FB. It was a meme about losing your brother (she had lost hers a few years ago). The post talked about how their heart was broken in two, one side was now filled with grief and the other side was filled with memories. It noted that is how it would always be. That is exactly how I feel each and every day.
I know I get maudlin the 7th of each month and I am really worried about 2 months from now. We could stop celebrating him on that day but I am just not ready to do that yet. Maybe after June 7th, but not yet. That date actually looms big in my head and I just want to get through it.
I know that one day I will heal, but my heart will never be whole again.
Yesterday I decided to make up some tuna salad for lunch. I thought it would be great to put in a tortilla with some shredded lettuce. And so I chopped up some celery and onion (by chopped up I mean use my mini food processor) and shredded some lettuce. I grabbed the can of tuna out of the cupboard and saw on the label the word ensalada which means salad. I opened the can to find the tuna was mixed with corn, carrots and peas. I hate peas so I painstakingly removed them all and thought I don’t know how well this is going to go. But I gave it a try and after one bite of my tuna tortilla I immediately threw it all in the garbage because it was just horrible. Note to self, check all labels before buying things while in Mexico.
Yesterday I went for my 1st walk this trip (Thursday was taken up by shopping and setting up). I have a very specific route that I follow as I know it will get me an hour walk. The weather was pretty good and while it was warm there was a nice breeze happening. I was walking along when all of a sudden some animal ran right past me then stopped. I freaked at first because I thought it might be a coati (what I refer to as a Mexican raccoon). I looked down and realized it was my friend Midnight, the black, feral cat. Obviously she knew me and wanted her breakfast which I immediately gave her and she was happy.
I continued walking my route but was disappointed that the princess cat (she has a faux diamond studded collar) wasn’t outside when I walked by her house. I soon learned I was wrong about that as she came screaming out of the woods demanding her food. It was so great to see her. Then when I went by my ginger’s home she wasn’t there. However, when I did my loop around the house there she was. She is my favourite because while I know she loves the food I give her before doing so she wants some lovin’. I was so happy to be able to once again give her belly rubs.
Sadly my trio wasn’t around yesterday but I was thrilled to see them today. They all apparently remembered the drill because they each assumed a spot to wait for their food. I put it into 3 piles so that they each have one because the leader of their little group isn’t great at sharing.
I am definitely back in my happy place where I am walking outside in warm weather and feeding all the cats and dogs that I run into. What makes me smile is the fact that they all remember me. I am sure they will be happy that I am here on such a long trip.
Wahoo! I have arrived at the condo. I got pretty much everything set up last night then this morning I went shopping and picked up everything I need for the next week or so. Now I will do a little work before heading out to lounge around the pool.
I posted last week about doing the challenge at my fitness centre. My goal is to build back up to a 3 minute plank which I was doing last fall. As part of the challenge you had to submit an email with your goal which I did. However, the leader got back to me and said I needed to do a baseline test of where I am actually at. She explained it is like setting a weight loss goal, you need to know where you are starting.
Now I thought I was going to build up from a 1 minute plank. I did a baseline test and realized that my starting point is actually 2 minutes because that is what I did this morning. So, the choice became do I stick to a goal of doing a 3 minute plank hold? I fully acknowledge that only adding 1 minute to my plank hold over the next month would be far too easy for me so I wrote the leader back and committed to at least a 4 minute plank by the end of the month. And by at least I mean when I hit that goal I am going to try and go even further. I want to find out what I can do over the next 10 weeks. I want to be pushing this goal to the absolute limit.
The challenge starts today and I now have a baseline. Tomorrow will be another 2 minute plank hold then every other day I will be increasing the amount of time in that hold. Can’t wait to see how long that plank will be by time I head home.
Every time I am getting close to leaving on an extended trip to the condo I start to panic because I always seem to pick up extra work. This time it was a little expected because it’s tax season and I had to cram all my clients into the month of March. But then of course I had to pick up additional client work not to mention tons of volunteer work. It is almost like Fate knows I won’t say no but then torture myself worrying about making sure everything is finished.
Guess what, like all the other trips I got it done. One of my clients yesterday was bemoaning the fact that I was going to have to do work while at the condo. I explained that really, it is no different from being at home, it is just the weather is nicer. I have for years worked from the condo and I plan around social events. I have already booked a Zoom meeting for next Monday, happens all the time when I am there.
What I have come to realize is if I just keep working at a steady pace I will get everything that needs to be completed done. I don’t let the things that I can do at the condo bother me, they will get done while I am there. Yes, one client has a board meeting tomorrow so I worked to ensure their financial were ready for them. A client with a new project for me will be calling while I am on the way to the hotel this afternoon which works well. I was able to delegate doing some in person assessments for one of my volunteer organizations and I finished off my volunteer tax clinic yesterday so all is good.
Now I am off to get my nails done then to an appreciation luncheon. Then I have one last volunteer gig in the afternoon after which it’s off to the hotel to have a nice relaxing evening before getting up early for my flight tomorrow morning. Then, 10 1/2 months in the sun. I’m excited.
Sorry there was no post Thursday but I have been going a bit crazy. It starts with helping look after my sister which at times can be a bit trying. You add to that my volunteer work which at this time of year is at a crazy level. Then there is my tax clients who have all be crammed into the month of March because I am leaving for Mexico soon. Oh, and then one of my business clients sent me their books for January and February the other day so that needed to be done. I’ve got 2 dogs on the list that need rehoming as well as new volunteers to do an intake with. Yes, a little stressful but I admit I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
During April my fitness centre is once again doing a challenge. I like these because they keep me focused on the end game and I usually manage to accomplish what is needed. For this round I need to set a goal to achieve by the end of the month. However, the goal can’t be arbitrary like to lose weight. So, if I lost 1 lb during the month my goal will have been achieved? Nope that doesn’t work. Instead I need to set a goal that is not only challenging but that also is achievable and more importantly measurable.
I’ve been thinking about what I want to do and have come up with a few ideas. Firstly I am going to Mexico and the past couple of trips there has been way too much alcohol involved so I thought hey, a goal of being alcohol free 5 days each week after April 7th (I will note there is a reason for that date that I will get into in a later post). But then I thought what about a hardline on only eating out once a week while there. That one is just as challenging because of our social life down there so I would have to amend it to 2 days a week but with focus on a healthier diet. Third would be getting to the gym 3 times per week to do some work with weights but that one is dependent on whether the gym is decent.
Then it hit me, planks! We used to have a Saturday instructor who was brutal when it came to doing planks. She loved to have us not just do long plank holds but if you got tired she would get you to do them with only 1 arm (if you don’t know what a plank hold is, Google it and know that is is not an easy exercise in any way). The problem is I hadn’t done one of her classes since December and I am now struggling at holding a plank for 45 seconds. So, my goal is to build myself back up to doing 3 minute plank holds. This fits perfectly with what we have been tasked with doing. This goal is challenging, achievable and measurable. I’ll start with 60 seconds each day and then add 10 seconds every other day until I am up to 180 seconds or 3 minutes. Once achieved the goal continues so that for 10 weeks I will be doing a plank hold every single day.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not dropping the other goals, it is just the plank hold is the one that I am going to submit. I also decided I am going to keep a calendar to track alcohol free days, eating out and weight training. I really want to do this so that I can see exactly how well I am doing. I then may even post the calendar to show exactly how I am doing.
Oh, and as a bonus goal I plan to come back a little lighter than when I left.
Well as I type this my sister is having surgery. She met with the surgeon yesterday and of course I sent a list of questions that I thought needed to be answered. It turns out she broke her patella into several pieces. They are actually going to have to use a plate to put it back together. Then, she will have 6 weeks of recovery which will be accompanied by a lot of physio therapy.
So once again I am acting in the role of caregiver. You have to realize there is not really much she can do other than move from the bed in the basement to the couch. I have given her my ottoman to use so that she can keep her leg elevated (she argued the doctor didn’t tell her to do that but then I reminded her which one of us has had 4 knee surgeries and that I just may be a bit of an expert on things you can do to help the healing). We are fortunate because when our brother lost his leg I had some work done in the basement including installing strategically placed grab bars etc so that has helped but in general she will be relegated to the basement until such time as the surgeon gives her permission to climb the stairs. I will note that I am definitely doing a lot of stair climbing which is not a bad thing.
There is a major disappointment in all of this, we were supposed to be doing a trip together to the condo on April 2nd. My sister was supposed to join me for 3 weeks which would have been great since she hasn’t come to the condo since 2020. I was actually lookin g forward to the 2 of us spending time together and her getting to know all of our friends down there. I am still going to go to the condo and have decided to look at it as me getting some time to focus on myself. My husband will join me as planned on April 24th but in the mean time he will be home looking after my sister (not really sure how well that is going to go as his patience wears thin pretty quickly).
Yes, being a caregiver can be hard work. However, looking after family is the right thing to do.
I got an email the other day from BCAA because in fighting with them over funds they had taken from my brother’s estate I had tagged them on social media. The email wanted to know if the issue was resolved. I took a day to decide how to respond and then I unloaded on them. I demanded an apology from senior management which of course I didn’t get instead they are waiving my membership fees this year. The reason I wanted the apology from their senior management is because I want to ensure they realize how horribly this was handled. I will continue with this issue until I know the message has gone to the top.
I mentioned a few posts back that it was the time of year that I get all my annual medical tests done. This week started with an appointment with the optometrist. It was a new eye doctor and she asked how my eyes are doing. My response was that they know they are nearly 60 years old which she thought was funny. Bottom line is my eyes are just aging. There are minor cataracts in both eyes but nothing to worry about right now.
Thursday it was blood/urine tests. These tests always concern me because I (being neurotic and paranoid) obsess over any result that is abnormal. Seriously, I look up what the results might mean and will eventually convince myself that I am terminally ill. I swear when I question my doctor (who does a great job talking me off the ledge) she slaps her hand to her forehead. She likes to tell me how healthy I am but Dr Google tells me otherwise.
Having said that, I am disappointed with this year’s results because everything is perfect. Wait, except my total cholesterol is high but that is driven by a high level of HDL, you know the good cholesterol. Fasting glucose 4.1, A1C (average glucose) 5.4, potassium, B12 both in normal range, GFR (kidney function) is 90 which means my kidneys are healthy. Literally everything is exactly where it needs to be.
So I don’t know what I am supposed to do at my annual physical on Monday. How am I going to have a dialogue with my doctor when everything is normal and I am apparently really healthy. What am I going to talk to her about? This is just so not how I normally roll.
Ok, in all seriousness, I want all of you to ensure that each year you insist on getting a full workup done even if you don’t have any issues. These tests are imperative for finding asymptomatic illnesses. My brother found out he was diabetic by having a routine eye exam. Remember that so many illness are treatable when they are discovered early rather than later.
One last thing, every year I get a mammogram. It is done annually because my Mom had breast cancer. Mine is scheduled for June this year. I know many women who don’t get a mammogram because it is in fact quite an uncomfortable procedure but you know what, having cancer is worse so please, just get yourself tested.
I am currently working on rehoming a dog through my volunteer organization. The potential adopter looks awesome on paper and should be a good fit. The problem is that he lives about 300 km away from Metro Vancouver and since he is elderly trying to get him set up so I can do a virtual ‘home visit’ is proving challenging. But you know what, I will find a way to make this adoption work while still checking off all the boxes that I need to. I believe you can always find a work around that meets the needs of both parties. Here’s hoping I am successful.
So Tuesday night my sister had a bad fall. Unfortunately we couldn’t get her up but she didn’t want us to call 911. Instead we all agreed that I would make up a bed on the floor for her but if we still couldn’t get her up the next morning then emergency assistance would be required. Sure enough, we ended up calling for help as her right knee had become too painful for her to even bend it.
The ambulance was manned by 2 young female paramedics. They were extremely kind and helpful and treated my sister with dignity and respect. They realized that she did indeed need to go to the emergency room but that they would need assistance to get her into the stair chair to get her to the front door from our second floor hence they called the fire department. It turned out the stair chair was not going to work because someone would have to hold my sister’s foot up to avoid her being in agonizing pain. The next attempt was a clam shell back board which worked perfectly. So off into the ambulance she went to figure out what was wrong.
Turns out she has broken her knee cap. They were able to get her semi-mobile by putting her in a knee immobilizer and arranging for a 4 wheeled walker. They were also able to discharge her because you can get into our basement through our garage. We knew the basement would work because it is still set up from when my brother was living with us. And so we brough her home to await an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday and then to have surgery on Tuesday.
But with this happened along comes some challenges. First of all we are scheduled to fly to Mexico on April 2nd. Right now they are 75% sure she can come with me but if not I will go and enjoy 3 weeks on my own before my husband arrives. Secondly, even if we do go to Mexico all of our plans may have changed as she won’t be able to do much walking but we can figure it out. Thirdly, we likely are going to have to pay someone to look after her when my husband arrives in Mexico as it is unlikely she will be navigating stairs when she gets back home. And finally, I am back to being a caregiver which means my time is once again not my own.
Previously if through no fault of my own I was having to do things like cancel walks or fitness classes I would be horribly upset. However now, I’m like ok, I’ll make up for it later. Besides, I am doing a lot of climbing up and down our stairs in order to take care of her so burning at least some calories. Yes, taking her to a 7:30am doctor appointment Monday morning is going to stop me from walking (and of course no real time in the rest of the day to do so) but I am not freaking out about it. I think a lot of it has to do with losing my brother last year and realizing that there are priorities in life.
And so, I am just going to go with the flow. If I make it to fitness class awesome, if I can get at least an hour walk in then that will be good enough. If I have to do this for several weeks that is ok too. The world is not about to crumble because my fitness schedule is off. Even better, my head is ok with all of this too.
It was an interesting class at the fitness centre this morning. I was actually quite organized this morning and since it was frosty decided to remote start my vehicle and give it time to warm up. That was a good plan except yesterday when using my vehicle my husband turned off the heat. I was still seething when I got to class but doing a challenging workout using step platforms took the edge off. I did enjoy the class because it was something different.
Yesterday was St Patrick’s day and we decided to go to a local craft beer place to celebrate. My sister and I got there first and the place was packed but we were fortunate to find a table. My husband was helping me with one of my foster dogs so he got there about a 1/2 hour after we did and by that point the place was at capacity so he had to get in line to be let in. It would be another 45 minutes before he would actually make it inside for a beer.
Now we had taken a small table that sat 4 as we expected a friend to arrive so we had 2 empty chairs. This woman comes up to us and demands to know if we were saving these chairs and we responded that we were. She started making snarky comments about how we weren’t allowed to do that. My sister advised her that my husband was outside waiting to get in to which the woman responded that that shouldn’t matter. She was extremely rude and aggressive and I wondered why she felt that kind of attitude was necessary in a place where everyone else was just out to have some fun. I should note, one of the staff came by asking if we needed both the empty chairs (we explained about my husband being outside) but realizing our friend was not going to show up offer we immediately offered up the chair.
Now that woman could have made our experience disappointing but there were others there that made up for it. As a matter of fact, a friend of the woman came up to us later and apologized for her behaviour saying she does that all the time and it is quite uncomfortable. Even nicer though was the reaction to the picture of our brother in that same brewery on the same date last year they we had brought with us. When people would ask who it was we explained how we lost him last year. Word got around the room and people came over to hug us, shake our hands and raise a toast to our little brother. That kindness is what I will remember most about yesterday, complete strangers just being decent people.
And so remember to be kind. The world is a better place when we are nice to each other and quite frankly you will feel better for it.
I went to coffee with a bunch of co-workers yesterday. As I was leaving I stopped to say hi to a long time friend at the opposite end of the table. She grabbed my arm and said we haven’t seen each other in a while (almost a year) and she told me she was so devastated at the loss of my brother. We spent a few minutes discussing what had happened and how I am doing (still not exactly well) and then hugged and just commiserated. Grief doesn’t end quickly no matter how much you want it to.
So, Circuit Saturday today with Max. It was a great workout but as I was doing it I thought this is a bit easy. Ok, checked the Fitbit and it said no, you did an awesome workout. It was then I realized that I continue to push it. Gone are the days when I would pick up the light weight set up at each station during the circuit. While I admit don’t pick up the heaviest all the time, I also don’t shirk in grabbing something significant. I continue to weight up the barbells as I committed to and I refuse to let my head tell me I can’t do something.
I am on such a roll and am pretty proud of it. I really am pushing myself as much as possible and far out of my comfort zone. Having said that, I am realistic in the fact that with the cranky knee and screwed up ankle I am sometimes limited. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t work hard and I know that is exactly what I do.
So I plan to keep pushing it. As a matter of fact I plan on a whole new ritual when I get to Mexico in 2 1/2 weeks. Right now I am so enjoying what I am doing and want to keep that mojo going.
Can’t wait to see what next week brings!
gwennefarrell 