Yesterday I went to my final Grief Through Creativity session and I must say these have been far more helpful than I had anticipated. I really like that they have focused more on the impact of the memories and how to carry them forward in a healthy manner. This session involved writing out messages to your loved one, reading them out loud (if comfortable doing so) then lighting them on fire and placing them in the bucket. The point of this was helping those constant messages get out of your head and out in the open. By time we were done all of us were in tears but it was so cathartic. Afterwards I made a memory jar for my brother that anyone can just drop in a memory of him.
I am down to the last few days of my challenge of walking 300 km by December 12th. I admit yesterday one of the messages I wrote was that I was doing this fundraising challenge for my brother because that is why I am pushing myself like this. I want to think he is looking down on me and being proud. I explained yesterday that I would like it so that no person as young as 42 ever has a heart attack because that is what happened to him. As I state on my fundraising page, he had his first heart attack at 42 and his 3rd and final one at 57. One day I truly hope heart attacks don’t exist.
So, technically 3 days left and even if the horrible rainy weather impacts tomorrow I still know I am going to make my goal. As a matter of fact, I am at day 9 and I have already walked 250 km. There were 3 days last week that I kicked it up to 30 km a day and the past 2 days I have done the same. The goal is 30 km tomorrow then 20 km on Thursday then the crazy daily walking will be done. Then, I am on to serious pressure nagging all my friends who knew my brother to do their bit and get me to my fundraising goal. As I’ve got until December 31st I’m pretty sure I can do it. Oh, and the walking won’t stop, it will just be scaled back to about 15 km/day.
As I near the finish line for the walking goal I realize it has really been a good thing to do because I was doing it for my brother. Because of that I don’t even think about how much I have walked but rather how if he was here he would have on his lopsided grin telling me that I am f%*king insane all the while being proud of me for doing it.
I am absolutely sure Amazon loves this time of year. I admit, I am doing most of my shopping through them and the delivery van arrives pretty much every day. The challenge is that my husband uses my Amazon account so I know what he is getting me for Christmas. Ok, that kind of takes the fun out of it but at least I can make sure I am getting the things I want.
So the weather has decided that it is not going to cooperate with me walking 30km/day and has decided to rain today and for the next several days. I have a few options here, don’t do the walks (oh, like that is going to happen), use the dreaded treadmill (no way will I use that 6 hours each day) or suck it up and figure out how to walk in the pouring rain. I have chosen the latter.
Today it was really raining 2 of my 3 walks (still raining on the 3rd walk just not as much). It was time to dress strategically so that I could stay as dry as possible. While I thought I had mastered it, it didn’t quite work out as planned. For the 1st walk since it was also colder out I wore my leggings cover by sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt and my heavy rain slicker. I also added a ball cap because the hood on the rain slicker still allows a lot of rain to hit my eyes. Off I went thinking all was ok and really it wasn’t that bad except 2 hours of walking in the pouring rain stuff is going to get wet.
For the 2nd walk I had to get rid of the long sleeved t-shirt as it was wet and I switched out to my lighter rain jacket. I also had to switch out the ball cap as it was pretty soaked through. I added a sweat shirt and off I went again, By time that walk was done both the sweatpants and shirt were wet but I decided I wasn’t changing them out as I knew I would just be getting another set wet and really they weren’t horribly soaked. I did, however, have to change my socks to dry ones
I got home from the 3rd walk and put the ball cap, neck gaitor and my shoes in front of the gas fireplace. Yes, even though the rain was much lighter so much of what I was wearing was already wet from previous walks. Now I am washing everything in order to be able to do it all over again tomorrow. I did realize at the end of this walk that I can do wet as long as it isn’t cold and vice versa. I also now have no expectation of keeping completely dry.
The rain is not going to stop me, I am going to finish this challenge.
Ok, I am seriously running out of time. For some reason this year my December social calendar is incredibly busy. It has gotten so bad I have decided I just can’t add anything to it. Sunday my sister and I completed our whiteboard calendar with everything we have to do over the next 4 weeks and it is crazy. Still trying to figure out when I will be getting my Xmas baking done. I can’t wait to start erasing things off the to do list!
Yesterday the 31km Winter Kilometers Challenge in December started. It is, of course, to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation and I am doing it in memory of my lil’ bro’. Again, the goal is to walk 31km during the month of December. As you all know, that goal is a joke to me (I would have it done by tomorrow) so I changed my challenge not just walking 300km but now I have upped the ante to have all the walking done by December 15th. It is a bit of a lofty goal but setting it this high makes it a real challenge for me.
Obviously, given that it was December 1st, the challenge has started. I was lucky the weather cooperated with me (I fear the weather will be the biggest challenge) and I got through 2, 2 hour walks putting me at 20km for the day. That’s when it hit me, I can do more! And so later in the day I headed out for 1 last hour long walk getting me up to 25km. Once I did that was when I decided let’s put a cutoff date to reaching the 300km mark realizing, due to the social calendar, that some strategy will be involved.
Over the next 10 days I will need to average 25km/day which will be tough but I think I can do it. The difficulty comes in trying to fit everything else around walking 5 hours/day (oh, and of course an hour at the fitness centre). I have found at least 1 day where I just simply won’t be able to dedicate that much time hence my decision to toss in a few 30km days, tomorrow is going to be one of those days. I acknowledge that is going to stretch me a bit but if I break it into doable intervals I should be ok.
I just want to note, when I hit 300km it does not in anyway mean I quit walking for the rest of the month. Instead it means I fit in as much as possible but without the pressure of having to walk so much every day. Wish me luck!
I went to a fun event for lunch today. One of the organizations that I volunteer at throws a volunteer appreciation event each year. There is always prizes and raffles and some sort of party game. This year was a build your own french toast buffet meaning there were all sorts of toppings that you could put on the toast. Of course my sister and I were proactive and brought our own sugar free syrup as we knew that would not be one of the toppings offered.
Today was the day, 1st attempt at running 10km since I blew out my ankle more than 18 months ago. Now you have to picture, it was cold this morning when I headed out just before 5am. I was careful with how I dressed since I didn’t want to get into the run and get too hot. But knowing how much I dislike getting really cold I made sure to wear my toque and gloves. Of course since it was pitch black out I was wearing my flashy vest.
As always when I run I walk the kilometer down to the beach before I start running. I didn’t use to do this but as it is a downhill walk (and of course uphill coming back) and I don’t want to run that part as I am very cognizant of being gentle with my ankle. Once I get to the beach I complete the run then walk from the beach back home. Both those walks give me the chance to warm up then cool down. Again, I think this really helps with keeping the ankle happy.
Before I left I planned my route so that I can calculate the distance. Before 10km was easy, walk a couple minutes, run down the hill, along the promenade including the pier then run back up the hill to home. It was precisely 10km. So today with not running up or down the hill I decided to run the pier twice and double back a few blocks on the promenade. I felt fairly confident it would work out to 10km.
The run felt good and once I started I didn’t feel the cold except on my face. I wasn’t counting how far I had to go, I just ran enjoying listening to a book. When I finished the run I walked up the hill at a pace as fast as I could. Imagine my surprise when I got home and checked my Apple Watch to learn I had only run 9km. What??? Ok, I’m still pretty proud of that accomplishment as I didn’t find it horribly taxing, I just ran. I’ve been back to running for a little over 2 months so to be at this level already makes me feel good.
Since today is Saturday I normally would scale it back a little but I have run/walked nearly 29k steps for a total of 17.5km. Next week it will be 5km/7.5km/10km runs which I hope will be my schedule for the rest of the month and that I can continue it during my next trip to Mexico.
We are continuing to do the deep clean of our home. Yesterday it was doing our living room area after having done the hallway and main bathroom on Monday. When I say deep clean I mean everything from washing walls, doors and baseboards to cleaning blinds. If we keep going at this rate we should have everything done by the end of next week. Then it is just general tidying every few days until we leave for Mexico.
I got up this morning and it was pouring. I had checked and the weather app said it might clear up after my fitness class but it didn’t. As it is Thursday it is my high intensity strength class and as always it was brutal. I realized part way through that my legs are killing me. This is likely because I have done several consecutive days of some pretty intense walking getting ready for my challenge which starts on Monday. I decided maybe I should be taking a recovery day.
Now don’t get me wrong, this has a lot to do with the rain and the fact that I should have done a run today. As you know, I despise running on the treadmill so just could not bring myself to do it. I worked out what this would look like. Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day so I can just switch the run to doing it before the weekly Friday coffee group. Note after that I will go for a 1 1/2 hour walk which I timed out after the coffee group met yesterday. If I do a small run tomorrow then I should be good to do a 10km run on Saturday (which I honestly look forward to).
I’ve also decided that I am going to get in some sort of walk today, maybe just not as long nor as intense as I have been doing. I am well aware I need to recognize that my body does occasionally need that time to recover. I’ve been doing this for a while now and have learned the importance of listening to your body if you want to be successful at meeting your goals.
And so I shall give my body (especially my legs) a bit of a break today and hopefully they will be happy with me again tomorrow.
I have been doing some pretty good walking/running the past few weeks. Today I did a run despite the fact I kept trying to talk myself out of it but I pushed through it and got it done. Then I decided I wanted to get that last 5km in for the day and decided to walk to my caregivers’ support group. Bad decision! While I had on a rain jacket my legs were still getting wet and by time I got to the event they were pretty soaked and my feet in particular were freezing. Still, I got in a total of 16km today. So, when I got home it was time to get into the hot tub and finally warm up my still freezing feet.
2 weeks ago I transitioned from my beloved Fitbit to an Apple Watch. I had various models of Fitbit for 6 years but sadly they all seemed to die after 1 year while as my husband had the same Apple Watch that entire time. I realized I needed to get something far more stable that had a better lifespan hence I transitioned. It has been a bit of a learning curve but I am slowly getting there.
I have come to acknowledge there are benefits and flaws with both devices. Ok, I am far more used to the Fitbit technology and may have a bit of bias there. Having said that, I am slowly getting used to the Apple Watch and determining the functionality that fits my needs. I am also finding the things I miss from the Fitbit but pretty sure I will eventually get over it.
Where they are similar is that both provide me the information that I need from all of my workouts; time, calories, steps. Where I find them different is my calorie burn during exercise is quite a bit less with the Apple Watch. Strangely what offsets this is the non-active calorie burn which is higher than the Fitbit. Also, I am still working on getting used to having to charge the Apple Watch every day rather than every 4 or so days with the Fitbit.
So which do I prefer? Sorry but quite frankly I am still so new to this that I am not sure. I am still trying to sort out changing workouts with the Apple Watch when I do a walk/run/walk but I am getting there. The bottom line is I am at least tracking the information that I feel I need to have.
Bottom line is if you ask me which is best my response is I really don’t know at this point.
I saw something yesterday that really annoyed me. I was doing a short run and as I was coming up to a controlled crosswalk when I saw a man jaywalking. Here is what really bothered me about this, he was only about 15 feet from the controlled crosswalk! I rant a lot about pedestrian safety but a 60ish year old man couldn’t walk those few feet to keep himself and quite frankly the approaching drivers safe? This is shameful in my opinion and I ask that if you are a pedestrian you only cross streets at the appropriate locations.
I had checked the weather last night and it looked like if I went for an early morning run I could avoid most of the rain. So, I got up at the usual 4am and headed out the door at 5am. I will note, because it was really dark I was fully equipped with my flashing vest. I started with walking just over a kilometer before I embarked on a 7.5km run. It was a bit breezy but fairly mild. The only time it was a bit of a challenge was running along the pier because the wind was quite strong and heading directly at me but otherwise it was quite comfortable.
At about the 1/2 way point I thought, this is a good day for a run. It was early so not many people on the promenade but I was really comfortable. I was keeping my pace nice and steady but still getting a pretty good workout. I also decided since the west beach portion of our promenade is unlit that while I was heading back I ran through the parking lot which has lights. I know the weather is not necessarily going to be conducive to outdoor running the next 1 1/2 months before I head back to Mexico so I am really glad I got up early to get this run in.
But I realized something in the last kilometer of the 7.5km run, I was quite getting in to the book I was listening to (I wasn’t really enjoying it at first). Why is that important? Because I suddenly realized I wasn’t thinking about the fact I was running at all. Instead, I was focusing on the book rather than saying mantras in my head to stop myself from thinking about how much I hate running. Rather, I thought, I am liking this quiet morning listening to a book doing a good run. I don’t know why this has changed from when I was running a year and a half ago but it has and now I am looking forward to planning at least 3 runs next week. Planning because of course I have to figure out which days when the weather is cooperating.
I had another thought, I don’t want to give this up again. Even if I don’t get back to the endurance I had before, I’m comfortable with just getting back up to a nice easy 10km run. As a matter of fact, I think I will try a 10km next weekend, weather permitting of course.
Yesterday my husband tried to help me with deep cleaning of my ensuite bathroom. I had prepped the shower doors the previous day to get rid of the hard water marks. He had tried to rinse them down but unfortunately didn’t use the proper cleaner and while they looked better, they were not pristine. So, I sprayed the glass with diluted vinegar, used a squeegee to dry them then a quick wipe down with paper towel. They ended up crystal clear. Oh, and the prep? I coat them in Barkeeper’s Friend and let them sit over night. Works every time.
It is time to get back into training. I am happy with how my running is going and I am up to doing over 7km. However, I have a new challenge that I am working on and I start it in about 2 weeks so it is time to start ramping things up. I love doing fundraising challenges that involve exercising be it running or walking or just exercising in general. I always exceed the goals and help raise some money for organizations that are important to me. This next one is going to be a stretch but I know I can do it.
This time the challenge is for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. This one is really important to me because of my little brother. He had his first heart attack at 42 and his final one at 57. I decided I really want to raise funds to help find a prevention so that no one that young ever passes away from a heart attack. Yes, in his case it was caused by diabetes but I have raised money for them several times and I thought the Heart and Stroke Foundation in his name would be an awesome cause.
So, what’s the challenge? Simple, I need to walk 31km during the month of December. Ok, I get people reading this are probably laughing because you know I can get that done by December 3rd and so I have decided to up the ante. Instead of 31km, my goal is 300km during the month. I get that also doesn’t seem much of a stretch since I walk 10km pretty much every day but remember, December is the holiday season and I will be traveling the end of the month. And so, my daily goal is going to be at least 15km which is about 3 hours of walking a day. The end result is I am hoping to raise at least $300 in memory of my little brother and I am hoping my friends will help me do this.
Right now I am doing 2.5 hours of walking each day with at least 2 3 hour days. Next week I am going to try and double that to 4 3 hour days so that by December 1st I am able to do 3 hours of walking every day. Note, where possible I’ll throw in a few 4 hour days of walking. Now don’t worry, I walk at maximum 2 hours in one session with rests and hydration in between in order to avoid any repetitive motion injuries.
There’s one last thing I plan to do. In order to boost my fundraising I will blast out a challenge that if I raise X amount of money by a certain date then I will walk 31km in a single day. Yep, that will be a lot but the whole point of a challenge is to stretch yourself and that is exactly what I plan to do.
Oh, and if you would like to contribute, reach out and I’ll send you the link.
I got back on Sunday after several days in Victoria, BC with my sister. We were going over for a convention but decided to go a few days early to do some sightseeing. We went to Chinatown for an awesome Dim Sum lunch, visited the Royal BC Museum and went to Craigdarroch Castle. It is always great to be a tourist in your own backyard. We then spent 2 1/2 days at the convention and it was well worth attending.
I have suddenly realized we are already 1/2 way through November. How the hell did that happen? We are already only a little over a month and it will be Christmas. Moreover, our next trip to the condo is only 40 days away. Wow, I have so much to get done it the next little while it is daunting.
And so I am doing what I always do when time seems to be slipping away, I start making a list and prioritizing what I need to get done. I always do a deep clean of the house before the holiday season starts so am going to begin working on that tomorrow. I don’t do it all in a day or two, instead I pick rooms and areas to work on a few days a week. I do everything from cleaning the baseboards to taking a scrub brush to the tiled floors. Yes, it will ultimately take a few weeks (the goal is doing it 3 days a week to allow me to get my paid work and volunteer work done) but I always feel better when it is done.
Other things high on the list include getting the Christmas Letter written and sent out. This year will be easier than last year and there are a lot of positive things we can talk about including our trips to Mexico and the cruise with my sister (ok, her breaking her kneecap in multiple places may not be a positive thing). The goal for this one will be getting it out no later than December 5th.
As well as the usual Christmas shopping and wrapping this tends to be the start of my busy ‘work’ time. Before Mexico I need to have all of my clients’ books done up to the end of November so that I can start working on their year end adjustments. On top of that is prepping the reports, etc, that I will be doing for their year end. I get it all prepared before I go to Mexico the end of December so that I don’t have to spend too much time in January getting year ends completed.
Finally is the decorating of the house. I used to have a hard and fast rule that no decorations would go up before December 1st. I threw that rule out last year when, since it would be our first Christmas without our little brother, my sister and I decided to decorate right after November 11th to make our house feel a bit happier. It kind of worked but of course we stilled missed him. I’ve decided that this year we will again decorate early so we are starting that process this weekend (my husband actually put up our trees while we were away, we just have to add the decorations and make the house look like Christmas).
As I type this I think ok, time to kick into the work level that I did before I retired. Everything needs to be done by December 11th. Why? Because that gives me 2 full weeks to enjoy the season. I truly enjoy Christmas and want to make sure I have time to sit back and remember how much joy it can be spending time with friends and family.
I went out for a run this morning and saw the strangest thing. It was around 6am so it was still dark out but running along the promenade was a mallard drake. The fact he was on the promenade isn’t odd, it was the way he was walking. He was actually standing upright, almost like he was a human. When I was heading back home there was a group of people watching him because an hour after I first saw him there he was still walking around upright. It was truly a bizarre thing to see.
Yesterday I decided to completely break out of my comfort zone and try something new. I attended a session called Grief Through Creativity. They had already had one session but I was still in Mexico so had to miss that one. This one was making a mosaic which did concern me a bit because I am not artistic in any way but I have struggled the last year and a half to come to turns with the loss of my brother. While I am not great at sharing emotions with others, I thought this might be what I have been looking for and it turns out is was.
I want to start by talking about the interesting dynamic of the group that was there, 4 of us in total. At my table was an older woman who is in my walking group and has become a good friend. She lost her husband last year days before I lost my brother. At the other table was an older woman who lost her husband in July. The other woman was probably in her 40’s and she lost her sister, also in July. Why those dynamics mattered so much is 2 of us are well into the cycle of grief while the others are still new to it. On top of that you have the difference of losing a spouse and losing a sibling. I thought it was just the perfect group of people to get together.
For the mosaic, you selected a piece of colouful, patterned paper and a piece of plain paper. Next you mindfully tore the coloured paper in to whatever shapes and sizes that you liked. You then glued the pieces on the plain paper to start to tell a story. Finally you added layers of colour by using 2 different coloured felt pens, 1 a colour you liked 1 you didn’t. Then optionally you could add some coloured sparkle glue. Once everything was done you would explain what you created and relate it to the person you lost.
For the coloured paper I chose one that was light brown with a bright green stripe at the top. It drew me because it made me think of the beach in Playa, a place my brother loved. I ripped it into various shapes and sizes that I glued to the plain paper. I selected a blue felt pen and just added lines between all the shapes. I had chosen a really ugly yellow/green coloured felt pen that I used to mark some of the edges of the paper. Finally I used some black sparkle glue which I used to create dots in between the shapes.
It was odd but each step of the process I realized I was creating a piece that really represented my brother. The brown shapes, they represented stepping stones for the hard journey he had in life between learning disabilities, bullying and health issues. The blue was almost an identical match to his stunning cornflower blue eyes. The yellow/green colour represented the sargassum seaweed that we hated. Finally, those little black dots represented all the barriers that he struggled to overcome and I used sparkle glue because he overcame all of them.
I fully admit there were tears shed as I explained my mosaic but when I walked out I felt better than I had in a while. The sharing and support that happened in that room reminded me that I am not alone on this journey and that sharing those emotions with others who understand is a healthy release. Truly I look forward to the session next month.
gwennefarrell 