gwennefarrell

I got up this morning to head to the gym and realized it was once again freezing so I knew I was going to be walking on the treadmill. I decided to do a 1 1/2 hour workout on the treadmill, take a 15 minute break then do another 1 1/2 hour workout. I opted to turn on a Christmas movie while I was on the dreaded beast (I picked Die Hard) but seriously I hated it so much that for my 2nd walk I just simply bundled up and went outside for a walk. Not sure how it will go tomorrow as it is supposed to be raining but I am sure hoping I can get at least 1 walk outdoors done.

My husband keeps thinking I am blaming him every time I say that once he retired in April and moved home full time I started to gain weight. Now let’s be clear, in a little over a year after he came home I gained back an embarrassing amount of weight. Now that I am so close to being back to my ideal weight I need to publicly take responsibility for what happened.

At the end of 2020, still in the pandemic, I had managed to lose 82 lbs and would go on within a few more months to lose another 20 lbs. I managed to maintain that weight for another year by being very dedicated to my routine. But then my husband came home and it became easy to go back to old habits. And so, I started snacking on foods I shouldn’t, I began regularly eating less than healthy foods and I cut back on my workouts. Now don’t get me wrong, I still did something every day but it certainly wasn’t to the level that I had done in the previous 2 years.

I want to be clear, it really had nothing to do with my husband coming home, it was me getting complacent. I knew exactly what the impact of what I was doing would be but I kept telling myself I would get back in line the next month. But that next month would come and I would push the needed changes to the next month until more than a year later I was frustrated with what I had let happen.

As I have come down this path for a 2nd time I remind myself of what my trainer said, this is not a 1 night stand it is a long term relationship. I have made myself stop thinking about what I get to stop doing once I am back to my goal weight and rather am thinking about the things I have learned in the past 6 months and which of those things I really need to keep to help me maintain this weight and more importantly this amazing fitness level I have reached. This time I plan to do everything possible to maintain this level though I do admit, I won’t be working out 4-5 hours a day.

I have never blamed my husband for what happened with me after he retired, in reflection absolutely all of it was my responsibility. Now I just have to ensure I have learned from that experience and I keep moving forward down that path of health and fitness.

I got home from the support group I facilitate this afternoon and was surprised to see that my husband had brought up the Christmas tree. Now we usually have a rule that there is no decorating for Christmas before Dec 1st but apparently he decided to get it set up a bit early to get the new cat used to it. So far the cat has stared at the tree for a few minutes but then got bored. It could be a different story once we put decorations on it on Saturday.

The weather has again taken a turn but I have decided to do everything I can to keep walking/running outside. Having said that, this morning it was below zero and extremely foggy and icy so I hit the dreaded treadmill. But in general I am pretty prepared and most particularly I continue to find ways to always be wearing reflective gear (this is especially important now that the fog has started to roll in).

It is really simple to say just layer up but quite frankly this needs to be done very strategically. While it may start out great wearing multiple layers, as I exercise more I warm up more and thus need to start removing layers. Instead I have gotten to the point where I have found my ‘cold tolerance’ level and dress accordingly. That means figuring out how much cold I am willing to deal with knowing that once I am warmed up I will be ok. It also means being cognizant of how heavy a workout I intend to do. So far I am doing pretty well with this but again, avoiding the dreaded treadmill is a real incentive.

But there are some other things that I do. For example, when I head off to bootcamp at 5:10am each morning I remote start my SUV to give it ample time to not only be warm but fully defrosted. I have multiple toques that I can wear (though usually for the first walk it is the heaviest one which also happens to be reflective). Then there is which scarf is going to work out best from me (today when I went walking in the morning it was the thickest one I could find). Finally is my gloves which range from thin magic gloves to full out wool mittens. To top all of that off I also have a supply of those hand warmers that you put in your gloves. Those things for me have been a life saver.

At this point I am still trying to do as much outside work as possible but I know I may soon have to give it up. Still the game plan is doing this as long as I can. Oh, and while I say I am dealing with the weather please note, I have no qualms about doing so with absolutely no sense of colour coordination. Sometimes my outfits are almost outrageous but really it is not like I am trying to win some sort of fashion award.

Yesterday at bootcamp the trainer seemed to think that I needed abs of steel. To be clear, I do not need, nor do I want, abs of steel. Regardless, she put us through a brutal set of core exercises at the end of which my abs were pleading for me to stop. Today it was a circuit and it was with the same trainer. There were 10 exercises on this circuit and we had to go around it 4 times. One of the stations was a bench press where she had me press more than 50% of my body weight. By time I got to the 4th round on that one my arms were shaking but I got it done. Sadly, the fact that I did it made me very proud of myself.

When I had my accident 30 years ago and screwed up my knee I never realized all the repercussions I would experience over the years. Because of the fact that I taught myself to walk without a limp I made a mess of the muscles in my leg. That in turn caused problems with my hips and my back. What it also did was really take away being able to balance well. Boy has that changed.

When I started training to run my coach had me do an exercise each day where I would stand on 1 leg for a certain length of time then switch to the other leg. Eventually I was able to do this without holding on to anything. However, it didn’t fully return my full balance, it just made it better. I knew it wasn’t my best level because I still sometimes lost my balance when walking or carrying things but it was a start.

At first when I joined my fitness centre I was concerned about my lack of balance and some of the exercises I had to do. The ones that I really struggled with were lunges and single leg dead lifts. I was often quite concerned that I was going to fall over. There have been many times where I had to stop and steady myself. And seriously, those single leg dead lifts had me paranoid that I would do a face plant.

Yesterday we were doing lunges with a power knee drive. Basically you do a reverse lunge and as you straighten up you lift up a knee. Trust me back in June I might have gotten through a few of these as I would stop and start trying to steady myself. I watched myself in the mirror yesterday as I was doing this exercise and all of a sudden realized that I was no longer struggling, I had this. That in turn made me realize that I had found my balance again. I know it means that all those muscles that I had abused for 3 decades were all now strong and working more like they should. That in itself is a major accomplishment after less than 6 months.

To me what this ultimately means is I’m back Baby!

Well we have certainly gotten lucky here, the weather is supposed to be awesome for at least the next week. This is very unusual for the west coast of BC in that normally we have rain the entire month of November. Not this year, it is supposed to be really sunny. The downside is it is not going to be warm first thing in the morning which makes it even more important for me to layer up. Of course that means nothing I wear actually matches but what the hell.

Since I got home from Mexico more than a month ago I have been committed to challenging myself more and more. Sometimes it is simple things like when the trainer says to do 10-12 reps I opt to do 12. Or the other day when the trainer said to try and use a weight heavier than you think you should and I did and actually got through all of the exercises. I’ll say for that particular class it was often hard but I realized I could stretch myself even more.

However, I have also been pushing other things in class. For example when an easier modification is offered for an exercise I take the harder method (note, this does not include anything involving kneeling for which I always do the modification because of my bad knee). I have even started doing all the higher level cardio work some of which before Mexico I didn’t think I could do.

Today I realized just how committed to challenging myself I have become. After bootcamp class I wanted to hit the road for 2.5 hours of walking (a luncheon and other commitments were going to take up the rest of my day). I decided to start out with an 5k run so off I went. After I hit the 5k mark I thought let’s do a bit more and get to 6k. Somehow I just kept going and the next thing I knew I had just run 8k which I haven’t done in a while. You know what, I am more than in shape to do that kind of run. I’ve decided I am even going to try it again tomorrow.

Challenging myself is just another tool I am using to stay motivated and on track and it seems to be working. Oh, that and the fact that all my clothes fit again and some are even a little loose. So I say, bring it on, I plan to just keep going.

I was really short on time today. Not only did I have to work out but I had a luncheon to go to which would involve about 1 1/2 hours of driving. I did my hour bootcamp first thing then after resting and rehydrating I headed out for a 2 hour walk. My game plan was after that walk to do a short rest then head out for another walk. However, as I got close to home I decided, screw it and just kept walking. Yep, today was a single 3 hour walk.

The reason I hadn’t been posting the past little while was because I was out of town at a convention. It was interesting to attend because while I have been to numerous political conventions this was the first one for my sister and I kind of got to see it through her eyes. One of the good things about this convention was that I got to see so many people that I haven’t seen since before COVID. However, that came with a downfall, many people did not recognize me and I had to keep explaining who I was. One of these people was someone I have known for 3 decades. Now don’t get me wrong, there were people attending the convention who have followed my journey but those who didn’t know how much I have changed were the ones who didn’t know me at first. By the end of the 2nd day I was getting frustrated with this and posted about it on Facebook.

I should have seen what was about to happen as soon as I did that post, my friend did a video call and she was irate. To explain, not irate at the people I was referring to but at me for not putting it proudly on myself. By that I mean, she screamed at me that I have worked hard and it is about bloody time that I started wearing what I have accomplished as a giant, neon-flashing badge of honour. She demanded that going forward I take not being recognized as a compliment EVERY SINGLE TIME.

We all have that one friend who always has the courage to give you shit when you deserve it and this is the friend that called. I have to say, I am really glad she did that.

Not sure how I missed the memo because I normally follow the weather forecast but it was surprisingly cold this morning. I had hoped that by time I headed off for my 2 hour walk after bootcamp that it would be a bit warmer but nope, still cold. I had really layered up before heading out for that walk and I can honestly say I didn’t remove any layers before I got home. Still it was clear and sunny out so it was a beautiful walk along the beach.

I am always planning ahead as to how I will fit in enough workouts each day. It becomes quite challenging the end of this week as I am off to a convention but I have found a gym close to my hotel where I can get in at least a 90 minute workout each day. However, this past weekend with the Remembrance Day celebrations I knew I was just going to have to suck it up and cut back on exercise. And so on Saturday I did a good hour long walk and Sunday I skipped working out all together.

Again this was all well planned in advance and I haven’t taken that kind of time off in 5 months. Still, especially Sunday, I spent all day looking at my Fitbit and agonizing over the fact that I was not going to meet a single one of my daily goals. To be honest, I actually obsess about those goals. Ultimately I forced myself to stop checking and come to the realization that this short 2 day break will have absolutely no impact on my overall journey.

I know that it is just the way my brain works and there is not much I can do about it other than finding something else to focus on. So that is what I did and reminded myself that I have worked hard and am close to my goal. Sometimes I just have to ignore those annoying voices in my head and keep moving forward.

Oh, and to make up for the weekend yesterday I walked 5 hours, 43k steps and about 30 km. Sigh, ok mentally I may still have room for improvement.

Yesterday was weigh in day the first time since before I went to Mexico. My trainer warned me that just due to all the muscles I have developed that my weight loss may have plateaued. Nope, the scale definitely moved and I know while in Mexico I gained a few pounds so I am happy with how much I now weigh. I am 3/4 of the way to my goal and when I told my trainer how much more I want to lose she asked me exactly where on my body did I need to lose weight. I told her it is just in my stomach area and she warned me these last few pounds will be the most difficult. She claims that I am now toned at nearly body builder level (huh?) and I have to be careful that I am loosing the small amount of remaining fat and not muscle. I told I would just keep trying to eat healthy and see how that goes.

Today is Remembrance Day and that is always a special day for my family. In 1940 my Dad enlisted in the Canadian Army at the age of 17. He had run away 2 previous times to try and enlist always to be dragged back home by my Grandfather (note the legal age to enlist was 18). On the 3rd attempt my Grandfather conceded and allowed Dad to join up. I should note my Grandfather at the time also lied about his age (he was 62) in order to enlist as well.

My Dad saw a lot of horrible things during the war. He was one of the ones that landed at Normandy on D-Day and from what we have now learned about that invasion, it was bloody and gruesome. I can’t image what that must have been like for a young man to witness. Dad never talked about the horrible things he saw while he served, rather he told us the funny stories of all the trouble him and his sidekick (Jerry) got into. This included things like stealing the Xmas turkeys and selling them on the black market or when he enlisted lying to say that he smoked so that when other soldiers who did smoke ran out of their ration of cigarettes he could sell his ration at an inflated price. Needless to say there was time spent in the brig and he never made it past the rank of private.

But Dad came home from the war wounded both physically and mentally. He fought for nearly 40 years to have his physical injuries recognized so that he could receive a disability pension. While Veteran Affairs agreed that the arthritis in his ankle was likely caused by a motorcycle accident when he was a medic they didn’t see that as a disability. Moreover, they claimed his serious back issues at first were caused by his weight and then when he lost weight and was still in pain they decided it was all in his head and he should seek psychiatric help. It wasn’t until an orthopedic specialist found big chunks missing from Dad’s spine that had filled with arthritis was his pain properly diagnosed. The cause of that damage was when Dad was a supply clerk and a large truck backed up without seeing him and pinned him to a tree thus crushing his spine. It was only after that diagnosis that he started receiving a disability pension and trust me it was not enough to support our family (though Veteran Affairs claimed that was his fault as he had had children later in life).

However, those who served in WWII never had the option of having their mental health issues recognized as a disability. My Dad, like so many other veterans, suffered from PTSD though of course no one knew what it was back then (though some suffering from PTSD were said to be shell shocked). Those demons of what he saw while he was fighting for our freedoms never left him and I can still to this day recall hearing him sometimes scream in the middle of the night. Our family suffered along with him as we got to deal with the repercussions of that PTSD but with the knowledge that we developed in the years after he passed we realized much of what he put us through was not really his fault. I just wished he had the opportunity to get support to deal with those lingering demons so that he could have been at peace.

And so today for the first time in 4 years we will head to our local Legion first to be at the Remembrance ceremony and then to raise a glass and toast my Dad. We will also toast everyone who has served for this beautiful county of ours and thank them all for the sacrifices that they made.

They shall grow not old,
as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun
And in the morning
We shall remember them.

My trainer yelled at me today. It was Power Hour which is a class fully focused on strength training. Today was kind of fun because you had to work with a partner. We got to the point where I had to do snatches (bend over with a weight and use your momentum when you are standing up to snatch a weight above your head) and all of a sudden she yelled Gwenne stop! She then demanded that I go get a heavier weight which I thought was odd because I was using a 12.5 lb one. So, I got a 15 lb weight and turns out she was right, the previous weight was too light.

I try to set realistic goals of what I want to achieve. By realistic I mean I want it to be something I can strive for but not something that I am unlikely to accomplish. I do this so that I can continue to push myself fitness wise but also to help with my overall health and fitness.

I start with a daily goal. Right now it is to get in at least 7 hours of good sleep each night. Unfortunately despite the fact that I have not had alcohol in weeks and the fact that I use pillow mist, I haven’t successfully had a good night sleep since returning from Mexico (though I continue to try). I then have a weekly goal which is to do at least 5 fitness classes a week. This one I manage to achieve regularly but I am going to have to look for a work around next week when I head out of town. Finally is my monthly goal which I have set this month as whenever possible when I have finished all my workouts each day that I change out of my workout clothes into proper clothes and it can’t be sweat pants. I do this to encourage myself to keep trying on all my size 6/small clothing to prove to myself they all fit again.

To me setting these goals helps me keep on track and to be focused on the reason I have been working so hard. It also gives me the opportunity to congratulate myself when I have achieved a goal which I can assure you really helps lift your spirits. I’m not sure at this point what my next goals will be but I am sure they too will help me move forward on this journey.

So set yourself some goals and see how you do.

It was a fun walk this morning. When I had left for bootcamp it was pouring rain but by time I returned home it had definitely cleared up. Of course there was a reason for that, it was really windy. Still I went out for my first walk and headed down to the beach. Not my brightest idea since down there it was even windier. Seriously, walking along the pier I actually felt like I was stumbling because of the force of the wind. Fortunately by time I did my 2nd walk the wind had died down considerably so it was a much better walk.

My husband, sister and I have been doing an adjusted Sober October. Adjusted of course because we didn’t get back from Mexico until October 15th thus we started Sober October on the 16th. I am proud to say that in the last 23 days 22 of them have been without any alcohol (the one day was to celebrate my Mom). A week tomorrow and we will once again finish this great journey and to be honest it hasn’t been all that bad.

Now my sister and I usually do Sober October each year along with Dry February. Both we do as a fundraiser for the Canadian Cancer Society in memory of Mom. I have to say when more than one person in the household agrees to give up booze for the month it is much easier than doing it on your own. We have also learned that there are now some awesome non-alcoholic beers that are usually pretty low sugar and calories but gives you the flavour of beer. Even those I don’t have every day, just occasionally.

But I have seen some improvements to my health with forgoing alcohol for a while. Firstly, my blood pressure is amazing. It is usually in the normal zone but now it is at the lower end. Even my husband’s blood pressure has been pretty good compared to normal (he has hypertension for which he takes medication). I have also found that I have had more energy to get through 5 hours of exercise most days. I’ve even decided once this is over that I am going to limit alcohol consumption to only 1 day a week until I hit my goal weight (or arrive in Mexico, whichever is sooner).

I am glad we all decided to do this together. I think it just gives your mind and body a bit of a break and I know it has helped me along my health and fitness journey.

My apologies for not posting on Thursday. I have been having massive computer issues resulting in a serious loss of data. I have been absolutely panicking over this and so it has taken away focus from everything else. The good news is I have made a small amount of progress in restoring some of the data and I at least have a plan moving forward.

The other day I was at my strength class doing a circuit routine. I had just finished doing some TRX rows and was settling in for bench presses when the instructor came up to me and asked me if I had seen the muscles on my back. She showed me a picture she had taken with her phone of me doing my rows and I was a bit surprised at the muscle definition that I had in the back of my shoulders and my shoulder blades. I hadn’t realized how far developed my back muscles had become.

Now I do notice my arm muscles but they are easy to see. My forearms are pretty muscular and and I joke about the guns in my biceps. I can now notice the definition in my triceps as well. My quads are like tree trunks and I can feel the strength in my hamstrings and calves. Moreover, my ab muscles are once again strong and I can really feel them when I flex. All in all I think I am looking pretty fit.

After the instructor pointed out my back muscles I have been a little more cognizant of how I am looking. When I am working out I tend to watch myself in the mirror but it is usually from a distance and I tend to be more focused on form. Today at bootcamp I was doing some work close to the mirrors and thought holy cow, look at the actual definition in your arms. Seriously, it is not just some muscle mass there, rather it is well defined muscles that show the strength I have gained over the last several months. Really, I hadn’t noticed this before and trust me it is not like those muscles got that way recently, they have been building for a while now.

Because I tend to be so focused on working out I guess I didn’t take the opportunity to notice how much my body has actually changed. And I must say, it has been changes for the better.