gwennefarrell

Yesterday I went for my quarterly A1C blood test (A1C is 5.3 which surprised me after having taken a month off of running) and a gentleman got off the elevator. I said, well hi darlin’ and he looked at me with a blank expression on his face. He stepped back and started to apologize for not knowing who I was but then shouted out, oh my God, it’s you! He hasn’t seen me since the initial lock down began in 2020 and said while he had seen pictures on Facebook I look even better in person. He also said he just can’t get used to seeing how small I am. That really made me feel good.

Yesterday was the normal start of my training for the week and as usual for a Monday I did a 5km run followed by an 8km run today. I started thinking about how it always seems to be hardest at the beginning of the week to be motivated (really, I only take 1 day off a week and the other 6 days are some sort of training). I never seem to have a problem with the 2nd half of a run but the 1st half seems to take forever. I started thinking about how do I manage to keep myself moving even when some motivation is lacking.

I realized there are a couple of ways I do this inside my head. The 1st is when I am thinking about maybe taking a bit of a break during a run I chant in my head, just one step at a time and you will get through this. I tend to have to repeat this a lot during the 1st half but by the 2nd half it is just counting down how few blocks I have left. That mantra in my head gives me focus. Instead of thinking how I don’t want to do the training I think about the small stuff, one step closer to finishing.

I think the 2nd thing I use to keep going is the thought that if I quit I will only be disappointing myself. This training is only about me, not what anyone else thinks. I need to own my challenges and accomplishments. I need to embrace that feeling of getting to the end of the run. I need to be proud of what I have managed to do. Ultimately, I need to cherish the journey I have been on and the successes I have.

I can assure you I will be using both of these on Saturday when I do a 12km run. Strangely enough though, I actually look forward to it just so that I can say after taking that month off I am still really fit.

So remember, it is only 1 step at a time that moves you forward. You can start small but those steps will eventually get you to your goal. They sure have done so for me.

The past 2 days I got up at 4am so that I could ensure I got my training in before heading off to a convention. I am determined that I won’t let outside influences interrupt the progress that I have made over the past couple of weeks. The problem is that I quickly felt that making the sacrifice of getting up so early wasn’t really worth it. You see, I soon realized at the convention that I did not in any way feel welcomed. This was not because of the delegates or the staff (all of whom that I spoke to were great) but rather the leadership. By lunch that first day I had already decided that while I would attend day 1 and 2, that day 3 was today (Saturday) and I had no intention of getting up early nor wasting a precious day with my husband for an event that I did not feel comfortable with. It took me a long time to get to the mentally strong state I am currently in and I plan to stay there so I skipped the convention today.

There is something from the convention that has really impacted me, though in a very positive way. One of the keynote speakers was Dr. Cindy Blackstock whom I have heard speak several times before. She is such a powerful speaker and is always so engaging and motivating. Dr. Blackstock has a PhD in social work and has worked in that industry particularly regarding indigenous children for more that 3 decades.

She made a statement that really had me sitting up and paying attention. This year here in Canada we have learned of 1,300+ unmarked graves found at residential schools (if you don’t know what these are please Google them as it is an embarrassing story of Canada trying to remove the ‘Indian’ from indigenous children). Dr. Blackstock acknowledge that many people in the room would have the mentality that this happened in a time when we didn’t know better (um, yep, that is sometimes what I thought). She boldly stated, if you think that way you are wrong.

Dr. Blackstock then went on to tell the story of Dr. Peter Bryce. Dr. Bryce was the first Chief Medical Officer here in Canada and was appointed in 1904. In 1907 he provided a report on the fact the 1/4 of indigenous children in residential schools had died of tuberculosis. This was 20 times higher that any other identified group. He went on to name the problem as stemming from poor ventilation, poor standard of living and the fact that healthy indigenous children were intentionally exposed to sick children. He recommended the government spend $10,000 out of their $6,000,000 budget to fix this issue. The government ignored the recommendation.

Dr. Bryce leaked the report to the media and there was immediate public outcry about this atrocity. However, nothing was done.

In 1922 Dr. Bryce published a book outlining the government’s role in creating and maintaining conditions that led to the deaths of indigenous children. Once again public outcry so you would think actions would have been taken to eliminate residential schools. The opposite is true, after the book was published the number of residential schools in Canada actually increased.

Now look at today. There has been a huge public outcry regarding the unmarked graves at residential schools that have been found in Canada. But now I recognize, we did know better but we did nothing. I admit I am terrified that the same will happen now, we won’t repair all of that unbelievable damage that has been done (note, our government has just filed another appeal regarding an award given to indigenous children who have seen discrimination in our social services system). The first public outcry was in 1907 yet nothing was done for 90 years to shut down these schools of genocide (yes, this is what I believe they should be called), why should we believe something will be done now.

I’m going to quote Dr. Blackstock here, ‘keep talking until justice is done for the children’. This to me was my call to action. What am I going to do? Well, apparently there is a great thing called the Spirit Bear Calendar which each month of the year gives you an action to complete to help with Truth and Reconciliation. I have decided not only will I commit to doing those actions each month in 2022 but all of my family will be given that calendar in the hopes they will do the same.

As for today, I do not regret missing the convention. I did a 10 km run first thing, walked the dog, walked uptown and back to meet the family for lunch and have logged 30k steps. I have to admit, this feels way more welcoming to me.

Sorry everyone, there won’t be a post today as I am at a convention for the next few days. I’ll catch you up on everything Saturday.

Yesterday did not start out well. I had woken up about 3:00am and looked at my Fitbit for the time only to realize it was dead. I thought that was a bit strange as I still had some battery power left the last time I looked but I got up and put it on the charger thinking that would fix the problem. When I got up a couple hours later I did what I always do and got things organized for the day including putting my rubber toe sock inside my shoe so that I wouldn’t forget to put it on. Things then just got worse. The Fitbit had apparently completely died, it would not charge nor power on so of course I had to replace it right away (yes, still obsessed with tracking everything on that device). Then somehow in walking from my bedroom to the living room I had lost my toe sock. I have no idea where it went but fortunately it was cheap to replace (I actually bought 2 so that I will always have a spare).

Today was my 8 km run. The weather here has been just horrible the past couple days so that meant running on the dreaded treadmill. I wasn’t long into my run when I realized something about it was bothering me. I had a good show on my iPad which should have distracted me but I couldn’t concentrate on it, instead I was thinking I definitely am not feeling the love doing this run.

I decided it was time to assess my run and try to figure out what was wrong. I checked my posture and yes my shoulders and neck were relaxed. Gut check showed abs were nice and tight. My legs were pumping strong and certainly weren’t tired. My toe no longer so much as twinges even when I run so that couldn’t be the problem. So, what the hell?

Just before the halfway mark it hit me as I was already grabbing my 2nd washcloth to try and wipe off my sweat (I keep a big stack of washcloths next to the treadmill), despite not really pushing it I was sweating profusely. I realized the garage wasn’t exactly cool this morning and I probably should have turned on the fan before I started running but by time I figured that out it was too late (I don’t like to stop as I don’t want to find an excuse not to start again). I told myself, ok you know why you feel uncomfortable so stop thinking about it an focus on how great your legs feel even after about 4 km. The rest of the run that is exactly what I did, as best as possible I ignored the sweat and thought about how well everything else was going. I finished off that 8 km run strong and with a smile on my face though I note I had completely saturated 3 washcloths and still needed a towel to finish drying off.

I like to use what is almost like a checklist when I am not enjoying a run. I know there is something there that is distracting me and once I know what the issue is I try to find a way to minimize it. Seriously, it would have been ridiculous for me to have quit today just because my shirt was getting wet. Instead I turned my brain away from that and thought about something that would drive me forward. Apparently it worked because I feel pretty good about the run I did this morning.

I was a little surprised this morning that there were so many runners on the promenade. By 7am I had said hello to about a dozen runners which is really unusual for that time of day. A couple of them were ones that I see regularly but most I hadn’t seen before. I guess with it being Saturday and the rain easing off a lot of people decided to take advantage of it. Strange thing though, there were far less walkers than I normally see.

Today was the run I had been dreading all week, a 10 km. Coach had told me that if it felt too difficult to just do an 8 km but while I got ready I became more and more determined that I was going to do this. As they were predicting heavy rain this morning I layered up with my moisture wicking run jacket over which I put my water resistant running jacket (my husband loves that jacket as it has all sorts of reflective stripes). As I headed out the front door I realized it was a little chilly so put on some gloves. I got started on my run and realized it actually wasn’t raining so I became a bit hopeful that I would get through this while staying dry.

I was a few blocks into the run when I realized I had forgotten my Airpods. I decided instead of going back to get them I would just do some thinking. The problem with this was with so much going on it was hard to focus on a particular topic so my mind was spinning most of the time. By about the start of the 3rd km I was starting to get warm so off came the gloves and I opened the vents in jacket and was pretty happy that I was still dry. I will note at about the 5th km the wind was gusting for a bit so had to zip everything back up again only to reverse the process again a few minutes later. Once I was through the halfway point I realized I was going to make it to the end.

I have mentioned before that I like to count down the blocks in the segments I have run. Segments are basically broken down into when I make a turn. The second to last segment is the longest at 8 blocks and 4 of those are up an incline with the 1st 2 blocks being pretty steep. By time I got to that segment I was telling my self, get through these 4 blocks and the rest is easy (ok, I really need to reconsider my definition of easy). It didn’t seem long until I turned to start the last segment which is only 3 blocks. Those blocks took what seemed like forever to finish but I did it! Oh, and I was still dry.

So how do I feel after running my first 10 km in over a month? Well, I feel great! The rubber toe sock apparently has done the trick as I have no more pain in my toe. After a few days of using my anti-inflammatory cream my quads are no longer angry at me. I think I am pretty well back to where I was when I ran my first 10 km. I should note, while I hadn’t run in over month I was still walking 6 days a week which helped keep my muscles strong.

I’ve decided that I am not even going to look at that month that I had to take off as a setback because it wasn’t. I did the right thing by listening to the doctor but found ways to minimize any loss in my fitness level. I can say it worked after having run a 5 km, 8 km and 10 km over the past week. Now I know I am fully back at it.

Yesterday I took my Corgi out for our morning walk. It was raining so I had on my rain slicker and was all set to go. Now normally the Corgi loves being out in the rain as she has never been able to pass a puddle without swimming in it. Not this time though, she did not want to walk in the rain. I could get her to walk a few steps and then she would just stop. I tried treats to get her to keep moving but she is a stubborn little thing and she just dug in her paws. After a couple blocks I thought to hell with this and took her home. I have no idea why she was suddenly acting this way.

But that just seems to be on par with the fact that my motivation level seems to have gone down as I was on my healing break. While I have worked out everyday this week I’ve got that voice in my head saying hey, your toe still hurts (seriously it is so much better that what is was even a week ago), your quads are sore from running 2 consecutive days, you got too much to get done in the next few days. Not doing the full walk with the dog played perfectly into all the reasons for me not to push things.

Having said that, I have found my motivation. Yesterday after 3 surgeries (including a leg amputation) and 154 days in hospital my brother came home. I was pretty impressed at how adept he has become in the last few months of getting himself around in his wheelchair as well as transferring onto the couch, his recliner or his bed. We realized which routes in the basement best allowed him access to everything and he got to inspect all the work we have been doing.

Right after my brother arrived home we had a visit from his local occupational therapist (OT) to check out if there was anything else we needed to do to make things fully accessible. Apparently we had covered everything off so we got into a discussion of what the next steps would look like. We learned that it might take as long as 4 weeks for my brother to get into his outpatient physio rehab which I found surprising. Then the OT said something that kind of hit me, in the meantime it is imperative that my brother do his exercises each day without fail. Doing this will keep his remaining leg strong and the exercises for the stump are to prepare it to be ready for the new leg.

This really put things in perspective for me. I workout in order to keep fit and make myself feel good, my brother needs to workout so that he may one day go back to some semblance of normal. I made a pact with my brother that I would let him know when I am doing my strength exercises and that is when he can do his exercises and that we can both make sure we are doing our workouts. I think by doing this we can keep each other motivated.

Today I did my interval training and yes, my toe still hurts a bit and my quads are angry with me but for the first time this week I was very determined to get this done. I figure if my brother can work as hard as he is, me doing 80 minutes of running is a piece of cake. Now that is motivation! I can’t wait to try my 10 km on Friday because I know if I can get through that we’ll be ramping things up again.

Yesterday there was no rain so I layered up and headed to the beach. As I was about 1/2 way through my workout one of my early morning walker friends saw me and shouted out, Gwenne, I’ve been wondering where you have been. I explained quickly about the toe and that it was my first real day back at running. She said, good for you for getting back to it.

So, obviously I am back at it. After consultations with my coach we decided to see how things would go. Yesterday I managed a 5 km without any real problem. Yes, at the 1/2 way point I was wondering why I was doing this again but as usual when I got to the last 5 blocks I was just so determined to finish. I didn’t really push things, just made sure I got it done. Today I was to do an 8 km. The weather was clear but chilly (note because I have such a busy schedule today I hit the road at 4:45am). I layered up again though with gloves this time. The run was easier than yesterday and I realized when I got home I had picked up the pace. Tomorrow will be a recovery day (still 1 1/2 hours of walking) then Thursday I will do intervals at 8 and 1 times 10, Friday will be another walk day and finally Saturday I’ll try a 10 km. Strangely enough I am curious to see how I am going to do with that 10 km as it has been over a month since I have done a long run.

That leads to how do I feel after 2 days of running. The troublesome toe is still a little sore but nothing compared to what it was even a week ago. I’m pretty sure the rubber toe sock that I wear when running is helping. I do admit that when I got up this morning my quads were protesting a bit. They go a little angrier when I later did my squats but I am pretty sure a long soak in the hot tub tonight combined with the recovery day tomorrow will take care of that. All in all I am surprised at how well I feel after a month off. I have still walked 6 days a week over the last month so I think that has helped. Moreover, I have kept up the exercises I do for my legs to make sure I could keep the muscles working. Here’s hoping I can continue to recover and build back up the the level I had been at previously.

The lesson from this is taking the time needed to heal is not detrimental. I think the more important thing is being willing to get back at it as soon as you are able. I should note, coach has told me if I find the 10 km on Saturday too much then cut it back to an 8 km. I’m fairly confident I won’t have to do that.

Well, I am excited. Yesterday I learned that my seniors’ walking group is going to start next month. I will be leading a group of seniors on a 1 1/2 hour walk each week. While the objective behind this is to keep seniors mobile and active, it is also to listen to them and help them find resources if they are having any struggles. I of course opted for the faster walking group and I can’t wait to get out there with them. This type of volunteering just makes me feel good.

That brings me to today’s topic, be inspiring. Since I started down this path of weight loss I have been told so many times that I am inspiring. Almost every post that I put up has someone letting me know how inspirational I am. I have to admit that I sometimes have felt uncomfortable with this as the reason I have posted on either this blog of on FB is because I am hoping to motivate at least one person to follow my path. Apparently I have actually motivated several people which makes writing about my journey very fulfilling.

But it is not just my journey that people comment on, it is also my volunteer work. I’ve volunteered for multiple organizations most of my life, it is just what I was brought up to do. I am passionate about helping others and sometimes I think I may get more out of the volunteer work I do than those that I am supporting. During this pandemic the work I have done through both the United Way and Seniors ComeShare Society has provided me with an outlet to help me get mentally strong. That feeling of giving back is just so amazing and I just can’t stress enough how great it makes me feel. What confuses me is being told I am inspirational for doing this when I feel I am almost selfish because what motivates me is the joy it brings me.

I decided to reflect on what it means to be inspirational. I looked at the definitions of inspiring and 2 jumped out at me; 1) to influence or impel and 2) to produce or arouse a feeling or thought. I like the idea that I may be influencing people because I know it is in a positive way. I want people to look at the whole picture of what I do, I’ve said it before this journey I have been on has been about both physical and mental health. Yes, exercise helps with both of these but volunteering lifts it to another level. If writing about what I do influences and motivates people to jump on board with either physical or mental health then I guess I will accept that I may be inspirational.

So, be inspiring. Find something that does get people to follow a positive journey. You don’t have to do it the way I have, find your own course. Just remember to always be humble and kind and appreciate those that are looking to you for motivation and leadership. Oh, and to all of those that do send me those messages, I thank you because your comments help me keep going.

Apparently monsoon season is about to start here on the west coast of BC. They are predicting heavy rains starting tomorrow through Saturday. While I can get away with working out on the treadmill, there is still exercising the dog which means a minimum 1/2 hour walk outside each morning. Good thing I love that dog and have a rain slicker otherwise she would be on her own.

I saw a podiatrist today and explained what was going on with my toe. I also told him I am diabetic and am paranoid that I have a diabetic ulcer. He understood completely when I told him about my brother recently having an amputation after developing an infection on his foot. We went through my weight loss, my exercise routines and my blood glucose levels (he asked if I am sure I am diabetic so I told him the whole story of the last 3 years). He checked out my toe and the diagnosis, it’s a corn.

Are you friggin’ kidding me, I have been freaking out over a corn (though I admit I was surprised a corn could be this painful). He checked everything on both my feet including the amount of sensation that I have which he said was excellent. He then shaved off the hard skin and assured me within a couple days my toe would feel better.

So, what caused this? Well it turns out the knuckle of this toe sticks out because the toe is crooked. That means the knuckle rubs against the next toe causing friction which led to the corn. We came up with a 3 step plan with the hope that we don’t have to do step 3. Firstly, I now have a rubber sleeve that I will wear on my toe whenever I am working out. Secondly, when it is time to replace my current runners he was very specific about what shoes I am to buy (we negotiated a bit on this step as he wanted me to switch out my shoes right away but I find them very comfortable and they have lots of wear left not to mention they were horribly expensive). Finally, if the corn keeps coming back then we move on to step 3 which will be shaving the bone on the knuckle of my toe. Fortunately he is optimistic that won’ have to be done.

The bottom line is next week I am allowed to run. Again, words I never thought I would say, I can’t wait!

I think my toe is finally getting better. I’ve been using antibiotic and anti-inflammatory creams daily and am finding while it is a bit sore in the morning by later in the day it feels pretty good. I see the podiatrist on Thursday and I am hoping he gives me permission to at least try a 5 km on Friday.

This past weekend was Thanksgiving here in Canada. Because there was only 3 of us for dinner we opted not to do the full blown turkey meal so scaled it way down (the sad part of this was not having leftovers). Still it was nice to have a holiday meal with my husband and sister.

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that the past few months have been hard on my family. My brother has been in hospital for 5 months and during that time he has had 3 surgeries including one that was very risky and of course ultimately the lower leg amputation. However, I have realized I have a lot to be thankful for this year so I thought I should list all the good things (in no particular order);

1. ‘Lil bro’ is still with us. Yes, he has been through a horrible, life changing ordeal but he is recovering. Best of all, he will be home soon.
2. I have a husband who 3 years ago agreed that the health of my siblings was more important than our lifestyle and so they came to live with us. Moreover after years of him working away from home, retirement is just around the corner. He has been my biggest champion as I have gone through my journey with weight loss.
3. My sister has often been the one keeping me sane over the past few months. I know this has been just as hard on her as it has for me but she is always so good at looking at a positive future.
4. We have the most amazing network of friends that have stepped up to help us with whatever we have needed. One of them was actually over today installing grab bars in strategic locations throughout the house.
5. I have one friend in particular who is always there to talk me off the ledge. While this time she had to do it virtually it got me through the worst days.
6. I have the best coach you could ask for. She did what she promised and got me running 10 km (and sometimes more) by the summer. I so look forward to being back in training with her.
7. I am healthy and fit, more so than I have ever been in my life. I am both physically and mentally strong and plan to stay that way.

Well, that is quite a list of things to be thankful for. I strongly encourage you to take a moment and reflect on all the positive things in your life.