gwennefarrell

An awesome day today. I had to say goodbye to one of my trainers as she is moving on which is quite sad to me but I know she appreciated me showing up with a card for her so I could say goodbye. But then it was an awesome lunch with one of our favourite couples and their daughter. They had a life threatening accident earlier in the year and we are so impressed with the recovery both of them have made. The one thing about the accident, it has made us realize we need to get together more than once or twice a year.

Last night we were out at a service club for dinner and a few drinks. We were sitting with a long time friend and he commented that I didn’t need to lose any more weight as I look so good. He also commented that when I lost the weight before I went too far and ended up looking far too gaunt. I thought that was odd and told him I am actually only 3 lbs heavier than I was at my lowest weight 2 years ago. He seemed surprised by this.

I thought about it an realize it is because this time I have done things differently. Yes, last time I watched what I ate and exercised. However, this time it was not just exercising by walking or running, it has been whole body workouts. There is absolutely no part of my body that isn’t toned (though I admit some of it is under some excess skin) and I have muscles that I never thought were possible. This has meant that weight has come off in different places this time and the most noticeable is that I my face is not quite as skeleton as it was before. Really that is not a bad thing.

So now I am going to get a bit personal. The one area that I did not need to lose extra weight is my breasts. Please understand, I have never been heavy chested even at my top weight. This time round though I have shrunk my breasts to the point that I can’t even find a bra in my size. Apparently that is the tradeoff for my face not being gaunt.

I want to end on this reminder, no one should comment on someone’s weight or appearance unless it is their own. Don’t get me wrong, the friend that made the comments last night did so with the best of intentions and because they care for me and I get that. But really, I am good enough at body shaming myself and don’t need help from others. I do hope that one day I will get to the point that I fully accept myself for whatever size I am but even after 3 years, I am not there yet.

When it first came out I saw trailers for Killers of The Flower Moon and I thought hey, I’d really like to see that movie. Then I learned it was 3 1/2 hours long (3 hours and 26 minutes to be exact). Ok, there was no way that I would sit in a movie theatre for that long to watch it despite how interested I was in the story. Then of course the weather changed and more walking was being done on the dreaded treadmill and I wondered if I could watch it in segments. Turns out this was a great idea because it wasn’t overwhelming in length that way and I really enjoyed the movie.

So I am on day 4 of my recovery and I am pacing myself as best I can. Monday, other than the bootcamp class when everything went south, I didn’t do any other workouts. Tuesday I opted to do nothing and instead rested with my leg elevated. Yesterday the pain had significantly decreased and I decided to try some walking so I walked the 20+ minutes to the coffee shop and after resting for over an hour I walked home. That didn’t turn out too bad and while my knee was tired by time I got home I wasn’t in any debilitating pain. Today I decided a couple easy walks on the treadmill were in order so I did 2 30 minute sets and the pain has definitely almost completely receded. Tomorrow I’ll try 2 45 minute walks then hopefully 2 1 hour walks both Saturday and Sunday with the goal of returning to bootcamp on Monday.

I have committed that I am not going to push myself right now as I want my knee to be back to normal (well as normal as it had been). Don’t get me wrong, compared to Monday I have come a long way in just a few days. Today for the first time this week I was actually able to climb the stairs properly with no pain. Sitting working all morning has not made my knee really stiff as it did on Tuesday. However, I also know I am not there yet as I still feel like there is a tight metal band wrapped around my knee and quite frankly my range of motion right now sucks. Still, backing away from heavy workouts as well as using the prescription anti-inflammatory cream seem to be doing the trick.

Now I just have to keep myself under control and not decide to up the ante. I need to stick to moderate exercise carefully increasing it over the next few days. So far this has worked and I have been good about keeping my calories down a bit so as to not increase my weight. Next week if I go back to bootcamp I’ll be dialing it down a bit and not doing anything high impact until I am positive this flare up has passed.

Overall, I’ve given myself some time to heal and that seems to be working.

I am finally starting to believe that I just might get everything done before Christmas. I keep a to do list on the white board in my office for everything I need to get done for my business and my volunteer organizations. That list had gotten to be a fair size but by dedicating some serious time to it over the past little while most of the jobs are either complete or nearly complete. Here’s hoping I don’t have to add anything more to it.

I had been riding on quite a high the past few days. On Saturday I had weighed in at 123lbs meaning I only had 3lbs left to lose. With 2 weeks to go before Christmas I thought not a problem! I think I got a little over confident and jinxed things.

Saturday afternoon I started noticing that I was struggling to get my bad knee to bend. If you recall, this is the same knee that I badly injured in an accident 30 years ago resulting in 4 surgeries. I have known for a long time that my knee is full of arthritis and it was nearly 20 years ago they told me I heeded to have a knee replacement. But I have been pain free for several years after having lost so much weight I figured I was good. Apparently, that knee is not good.

By time I hit class yesterday morning my knee was sore and I could tell my range of motion was even more restricted than it usually is. I figured I would just do my normal bootcamp but not push it quite as hard as I have been doing. As the class progressed so did my pain level. I found myself modifying things that should be easy for me. Then in the last set of exercises we had to do weighted lounges and that was it, I was down for the count. I managed to finish the class (and not do any more lounges) but by that point I was in debilitating pain. I have no idea where this has come from, possibly it is just a severe arthritis flair up but I haven’t had one in a long time and I will be honest, never has it been as bad as this.

And so now, I need to step back. I always have my prescription anti-inflammatory cream which I maxed out on yesterday. I also hit my limit on extra strength ibuprofen . I spent most of the day with my leg elevated and obviously did not do any further workouts. I got up this morning and my knee is not as sore but obviously there is still a problem. I hit the meds again and decided no gym this morning (seriously, like I would have been able to do anything). I might try to do an easy 30 minute walk later this afternoon but only if I am confident my knee will tolerate it.

Yes, it will be hard for me to pull back but I know if I do so for the next few days I have a much better chance of healing. I will just be careful of my calorie intake to ensure I maintain my latest weight. I keep reminding myself that in looking at the big picture, this is just a small setback and the finish line is still in sight.

I got up this morning and was thrilled that it wasn’t raining. I checked my weather app and it showed I should be good to do a 2 hour walk starting at 5am. Off I went, all bundled up because it was cold, and it was a lovely walk. Driving home from my 8am bootcamp class I was thinking I might be lucky enough to get in another 1 hour walk before it starts raining. As soon as I had that thought it started raining. Sigh, another walk on the treadmill.

More than a decade ago I went to my doctor because I had chronic back pain. He told me it was likely due to the fact that I was fat and lazy (ok, he didn’t use those words but that is what it felt like). I saw him again 6 months later and admitted I was living on daily Advil to survive the pain. At that point he told me he no longer thought it was my weight and started me down the path of being diagnosed with spinal stenosis. Move forward to about 5 years ago when I saw my new doctor because of shoulder pain so bad I couldn’t raise my arm. She said it was likely the stenosis (the back was better after having a permanent nerve block) which was causing 2 bulging disks. She referred me to an orthopedic specialist who was a young woman that look like she was about 12 to me. She told me that the issue was, again, because I was fat (ok, her words were overweight) never once mentioning the stenosis. She told me to lose weight and try going to a gym. My chiropractor was livid when I told her because the stenosis was causing this pain and she assured me regardless of my weight I was going to be dealing with this issue for the rest of my life.

Try googling medical bias against obesity and you might be surprised by what you find. There have been numerous studies on the subject which have found that some in the medical profession blame the patient’s weight for a myriad of issues. It can often be their first go to response for the treatment of symptoms. Moreover, some studies have shown that there are medical professionals who actually believe that their patients are to blame for their illnesses/disabilities if they are obese because the patients have control over their weight. Of course when you are obese and you get that vibe from your doctor/nurse or other medical professional it makes you hesitant to seek medical treatment for anything. Trust me I know this because that is how I felt.

I do want to be clear, there are health issues that are directly impacted by obesity. My diabetes and hypertension are 2 that immediately come to mind. Because I lost all the weight I no longer take medications for either of these and I work hard to keep it that way. I also know that even a 10% weight loss can have positive impacts on your health. However, losing weight is not a cure all and to me it is imperative that medical professionals look past just the obesity when treating all patients.

I mentioned previously that I am having a flare up of my stenosis and it is causing some pain in my right shoulder. There is no way that if I went to my doctor now that the pain would be blamed on my weight (note my current doctor would never do that anyways) or fitness level. Still, in my head I am still that short, fat, chick and so I really don’t want to risk being made to feel it is my own fault for having a congenital health issue. Instead, I think I’ll go see my chiropractor who has always been supportive of me and never once suggested weight loss as a method to control pain.

To end on a positive note, according to my scale this morning only 3 more lbs to go and I am back to my goal weight. Here’s hoping those 3 lbs decide to leave before Xmas.

For the past couple weeks I have been having issues with my right shoulder. It feels like another bulging disk might be coming on so I have been careful about lifting weights over my head. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and my left shoulder was bugging me. I started to worry that I was getting myself in real trouble here until when I got up and felt my left arm I realized the pain was from getting my COVID shot yesterday. Phew, it was a relief when I figured that out.

I don’t deal well with change. Don’t get me wrong, I dealt with it a ton during my career and with the medical issues in my family I often have to change directions. I don’t know why but those things I can handle, what I can’t is significant changes to my routine.

There is an awesome book, Who Moved The Cheese, which talks about why people don’t like change. It also deals with how to implement change management to try and understand why this stresses people out. And I acknowledge that I used to be involved with implementing changes in the workplace and being one of the managers doing the change management plan. Still, that does not give me a lot of comfort.

It was announced last week that changes were being made to class schedule at my Fitness Centre. A lot of the changes had to do with some trainers leaving and new ones coming on board which I can live with. What shook me up was the fact that I have a routine of what type of classes I do each day and now they are totally different. I voiced some concerns about how this would impact me but I was gently talked off the ledge and assured I would still get the awesome workouts I need first thing every morning.

Changes like this are hard for me and trust me when I say my husband can tell you many stories of me freaking out when things go off schedule. But really, if the end result is going to be the same then I am just going to have to deal with it.

I think this might be a record for me, December 5th and I not only have all of my Christmas shopping done but it is also all wrapped and under the tree. I will note that I handed my husband a couple packages today and told him, you made me pick out my own gifts and then order them for you, I am not wrapping them. All I really have left to do is stocking stuffers and that will happen next Wednesday.

So we are now officially into the holiday season which means it is time for all sorts of festive get togethers. My calendar is getting pretty full with a dinner out tomorrow, a lunch and a dinner Thursday then we are hosting a dinner party on Sunday. Next week is not much better as I already have 2 lunches booked. Arrggghhhh! How am I going to deal with this?

Fortunately I have a plan. I do want to enjoy the holiday season but not at the expense of how far I have come lately. And so, time to start planning what I will be eating. I’ll start by keeping my carbs as low as possible which is really not a big deal as that is my goal most days. The next part of the plan is to choose wisely. There is nothing wrong with opting for things like soup or salad with dressing on the side. The final part is keeping up with all of my workouts no matter what.

Before any of you think I will be depriving myself, not to worry I have that plan covered as well. I have already decided that there are just going to be a couple days where I let things lapse. The most important one will be Christmas Day which I have already gotten my head around the fact that I won’t be working out and I will likely be consuming more calories than I am used to. I think that is absolutely ok as long as I get myself back on track on Boxing Day. As much as this journey is important to me, so is letting myself have a little fun.

While the holiday season can be challenging, there are ways to make it work which is what I plan to do. Here’s hoping I come out the other side doing as well as I am today.

I had to walk on the dreaded treadmill for my first walk today because it was raining and windy. However, after my bootcamp class the sun was out and while it was still a bit breezy I went for a nice 7.5 km walk down along the promenade and back. It was an awesome walk because it was a bit of a super tide and there were plenty of waves. The waves were actually, in some spots, splashing on to the promenade. It was so nice to be outside walking and having that kind of back drop just made it extremely enjoyable.

I am now at my 6 month point since I joined Goodbrand Fitness. If you recall I started with their 6 week challenge the beginning of June and I have stuck with it ever since. This has meant along with my walking/running I try to do a class 6 days a week (I give myself a bit of a break on Sundays). On top of that I diligently track my exercise and more importantly my calorie intake. While I acknowledge there have been a few days when my intake was a bit higher than I would like, most days I have been pretty good about meeting my goal. Doing this has helped make me accountable for both my diet and exercise and has really kept me focused on the end goal.

What has astonished me is how truly fit I have become. I had been able to maintain my cardio fitness which was great but it is the stunning changes to my muscles that has me a bit in awe. Normally while I am doing bootcamp or strength classes I watch myself in the mirrors that cover one of the walls in the fitness centre. Having said that, I am usually quite a ways away from the mirrors and am more focused on my technique. Today was circuit day (I love doing the circuit training on Saturdays) and for several of the sets I was standing right in front of the mirrors. All of a sudden I could see how chiseled my arm muscles are now, seriously they are pretty impressive. Moreover, I can see the muscle definition across my collar bones and the back of my neck. Who the hell knew an old lady like me could start looking like a body builder.

The bottom line is after 6 months of sticking to this I am now in the best shape of my life. Strangely, realizing today how far I have come has simply made me want to keep going. My motivation is so strong now and I am hoping I can keep it that way.

So a shout out to Goodbrand Fitness for helping me not just get back on track but to stay there. Oh, and only 8.5 lbs more to go.

I got up this morning to head to the gym and realized it was once again freezing so I knew I was going to be walking on the treadmill. I decided to do a 1 1/2 hour workout on the treadmill, take a 15 minute break then do another 1 1/2 hour workout. I opted to turn on a Christmas movie while I was on the dreaded beast (I picked Die Hard) but seriously I hated it so much that for my 2nd walk I just simply bundled up and went outside for a walk. Not sure how it will go tomorrow as it is supposed to be raining but I am sure hoping I can get at least 1 walk outdoors done.

My husband keeps thinking I am blaming him every time I say that once he retired in April and moved home full time I started to gain weight. Now let’s be clear, in a little over a year after he came home I gained back an embarrassing amount of weight. Now that I am so close to being back to my ideal weight I need to publicly take responsibility for what happened.

At the end of 2020, still in the pandemic, I had managed to lose 82 lbs and would go on within a few more months to lose another 20 lbs. I managed to maintain that weight for another year by being very dedicated to my routine. But then my husband came home and it became easy to go back to old habits. And so, I started snacking on foods I shouldn’t, I began regularly eating less than healthy foods and I cut back on my workouts. Now don’t get me wrong, I still did something every day but it certainly wasn’t to the level that I had done in the previous 2 years.

I want to be clear, it really had nothing to do with my husband coming home, it was me getting complacent. I knew exactly what the impact of what I was doing would be but I kept telling myself I would get back in line the next month. But that next month would come and I would push the needed changes to the next month until more than a year later I was frustrated with what I had let happen.

As I have come down this path for a 2nd time I remind myself of what my trainer said, this is not a 1 night stand it is a long term relationship. I have made myself stop thinking about what I get to stop doing once I am back to my goal weight and rather am thinking about the things I have learned in the past 6 months and which of those things I really need to keep to help me maintain this weight and more importantly this amazing fitness level I have reached. This time I plan to do everything possible to maintain this level though I do admit, I won’t be working out 4-5 hours a day.

I have never blamed my husband for what happened with me after he retired, in reflection absolutely all of it was my responsibility. Now I just have to ensure I have learned from that experience and I keep moving forward down that path of health and fitness.

I got home from the support group I facilitate this afternoon and was surprised to see that my husband had brought up the Christmas tree. Now we usually have a rule that there is no decorating for Christmas before Dec 1st but apparently he decided to get it set up a bit early to get the new cat used to it. So far the cat has stared at the tree for a few minutes but then got bored. It could be a different story once we put decorations on it on Saturday.

The weather has again taken a turn but I have decided to do everything I can to keep walking/running outside. Having said that, this morning it was below zero and extremely foggy and icy so I hit the dreaded treadmill. But in general I am pretty prepared and most particularly I continue to find ways to always be wearing reflective gear (this is especially important now that the fog has started to roll in).

It is really simple to say just layer up but quite frankly this needs to be done very strategically. While it may start out great wearing multiple layers, as I exercise more I warm up more and thus need to start removing layers. Instead I have gotten to the point where I have found my ‘cold tolerance’ level and dress accordingly. That means figuring out how much cold I am willing to deal with knowing that once I am warmed up I will be ok. It also means being cognizant of how heavy a workout I intend to do. So far I am doing pretty well with this but again, avoiding the dreaded treadmill is a real incentive.

But there are some other things that I do. For example, when I head off to bootcamp at 5:10am each morning I remote start my SUV to give it ample time to not only be warm but fully defrosted. I have multiple toques that I can wear (though usually for the first walk it is the heaviest one which also happens to be reflective). Then there is which scarf is going to work out best from me (today when I went walking in the morning it was the thickest one I could find). Finally is my gloves which range from thin magic gloves to full out wool mittens. To top all of that off I also have a supply of those hand warmers that you put in your gloves. Those things for me have been a life saver.

At this point I am still trying to do as much outside work as possible but I know I may soon have to give it up. Still the game plan is doing this as long as I can. Oh, and while I say I am dealing with the weather please note, I have no qualms about doing so with absolutely no sense of colour coordination. Sometimes my outfits are almost outrageous but really it is not like I am trying to win some sort of fashion award.

Yesterday at bootcamp the trainer seemed to think that I needed abs of steel. To be clear, I do not need, nor do I want, abs of steel. Regardless, she put us through a brutal set of core exercises at the end of which my abs were pleading for me to stop. Today it was a circuit and it was with the same trainer. There were 10 exercises on this circuit and we had to go around it 4 times. One of the stations was a bench press where she had me press more than 50% of my body weight. By time I got to the 4th round on that one my arms were shaking but I got it done. Sadly, the fact that I did it made me very proud of myself.

When I had my accident 30 years ago and screwed up my knee I never realized all the repercussions I would experience over the years. Because of the fact that I taught myself to walk without a limp I made a mess of the muscles in my leg. That in turn caused problems with my hips and my back. What it also did was really take away being able to balance well. Boy has that changed.

When I started training to run my coach had me do an exercise each day where I would stand on 1 leg for a certain length of time then switch to the other leg. Eventually I was able to do this without holding on to anything. However, it didn’t fully return my full balance, it just made it better. I knew it wasn’t my best level because I still sometimes lost my balance when walking or carrying things but it was a start.

At first when I joined my fitness centre I was concerned about my lack of balance and some of the exercises I had to do. The ones that I really struggled with were lunges and single leg dead lifts. I was often quite concerned that I was going to fall over. There have been many times where I had to stop and steady myself. And seriously, those single leg dead lifts had me paranoid that I would do a face plant.

Yesterday we were doing lunges with a power knee drive. Basically you do a reverse lunge and as you straighten up you lift up a knee. Trust me back in June I might have gotten through a few of these as I would stop and start trying to steady myself. I watched myself in the mirror yesterday as I was doing this exercise and all of a sudden realized that I was no longer struggling, I had this. That in turn made me realize that I had found my balance again. I know it means that all those muscles that I had abused for 3 decades were all now strong and working more like they should. That in itself is a major accomplishment after less than 6 months.

To me what this ultimately means is I’m back Baby!